Meeting the Goal

Several months ago I started memorizing scripture. Now, I didn't do this own my own...I was challenged by my friend, Lynn. For a while, we learned them together. Some of them so God-ordained it wasn't even funny. Taking my cue from Lynn, I got some note cards that are neatly put together with cute little rings. I took my time writing each scripture out so I could review them everyday. I did ok at first. I was able to easily memorize the first few verses, but had a problem holding onto the addresses. Eventually, I laid them down and forgot what I had learned. UGH!!!!

I'm the kind of person that needs a constant reminder of all things that are true and good in my life. With my background and present struggle with depression, it is easy for my to slip into believing Satan's lies over the truth. SO, I decided to pick the scripture memory back up. I was bound and determined that I was going to do this. I set a goal for myself to memorize 25 verses AND their addresses. The first few were not all that hard because it was basically just reviewing what I had already done with Lynn. Those verses came back to me easily. Then I began to search through the Word on my own. I'll admit, I was skeptical. I didn't want to just randomly pick a verse and memorize it, I wanted it to speak to me, to mean something. Several times I was very tempted to throw in the towel, and then I would remember my goal. I didn't want Satan to win. So I kept memorizing the Word and asking God for each new verse. It seemed that the more I learned, the easier it was to remember them. I was amazed. I knew it had to be God because not only was I remembering the verses, BUT their addresses were sticking this time. I was thrilled. But it still seemed my goal was a long way off. Many times I would get frustrated and lay them down, only to be drawn back to them days later. I know God was the one doing the drawing because He has used these verses in my life already. There are times that the only way I can get through a particular moment is to recall the verses He has given me. The best times have been when my frame of mind was so crazy and the verses just popped into my head. There was no thinking about them, trying to recall them, they were just there. Those are the sweetest times. The Lord promises that His Word will not return void and He has proven that in me. When I have needed His Truth, it has been there. Thank you Lord!!!!

Fast forward to today....

Here I am sitting here bored out of my head and decided to get out my cute little verse cards and do some practicing on my new verse. I haven't counted the number I was up to lately so I decided to check out my progress and guess what??????? I AM ON #26!!!!!!!!! Thank You Lord! I have reached my goal!!!!! Yay! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Not only have I stuck with it and put in the work (with God's help), but I have done it without anyone holding my hand. This has turned into a personal thing, not one that I have depended on someone else to do for me. That is just as much a victory for me as learning the verses. I am not writing this to brag on me...but on the Lord. He has done a work in me and it is good. I would not have gotten this far if it were not for HIM and Him alone!!!

26....I'm amazed and thankful. Thankful to the Lord for His faithfulness. He has been with me each and every step of the way. He has given me each verse and used them in my life when I needed their truths to reach into my heart and be a salve to the hurts that are hidden there. BUT, I am also thankful to Lynn. She is the one who taught me the importance of having truth to draw from to replace the lies that Satan throws at you. She encouraged me and taught me how to memorize scripture. Even though I have been "on my own" for the last several months, this is a victory that I can't wait to share with her. She believed in me long before I believed in myself. She spoke truth to me long before I believed it and had it hid inside my heart. This is her victory too. Thank you Lynn....I will be forever grateful!!!

Now to set a new goal....

Crystie

Who's Truth????

Today I feel unlovable. I am having difficulty with one of my parents. They are being very ugly. You would think I would be used to it by now, but I'm not. Every single time this happens it sends me into a tailspin. Instead of believing God's truth, I believe the enemy's lies. Lies like...there is something wrong with me, I'm unlovable, nobody wants me, I'm not worth being loved, etc. I am ashamed at where my thoughts have taken me over the last 24 hours. Trust me, it has not been good. I'm trying to regroup and refocus, but my mind just won't let me. So I am going to do the only thing I know to do at the moment...write them out.

Lord, help me remember all that YOU have to say...

I am the apple of your eye...
You think I am to die for...
You are enthralled with my beauty...
I am strong when I am resting in You...
YOU love me with an everlasting love...
I have the mind of Christ...
I am safe in Your arms...
You will NEVER leave me...
I can do all things in Your strength...
You have written my name on the palm of Your hands...
You know the number of hairs on my head...
You have a plan for my life and it is good...
I was lost and you found me...
You sing over me...
You reached down from on high and took hold of me...
You drew me out of deep waters...
You are taking me to a spacious place...
You rescued me...
You delight in me...
You will build me up...
No weapon formed against me will prevail...
I have perfect peace in You...
You answer when I call...
You are my portion...
You are my deliverer...
You are the lover of my soul...
You are my hiding place...
You are my help and shield...
I am Your daughter and You are my Abba...
You are my refuge...
You sustain me in battle...
You bring me out of darkness...
You know everything about me...
You are faithful...

Lord, please help me dwell on your thoughts and your truths today. My heart is hurting. Help me to trust you and you alone. Help me to believe in your love...your truth.

Jabez

1 Chronicles 4:10

Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.


Oh Lord this is my prayer...

Its A Good Thing to Hope for Help from God

Lamentations 3:19-36 Msg

19-21 I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

22-24 God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left.

25-27 God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times.

28-30 When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst.

31-33 Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way:

34-36 Stomping down hard on luckless prisoners, Refusing justice to victims in the court of High God, Tampering with evidence— the Master does not approve of such things.

Today is one of those days where I just plain feel bad. I'm tired, hurting, and depressed. But God...don't you just love those 2 little words? But God. He comes in and makes His presence known in the midst of our yuck. That is just what happened today. In the middle of feeling so bad, He came in and gave me His Word. I love this passage. I especially love the part about HIs love never running out...thank you Father. It was a fresh reminder that no matter where you are in this world, no matter who you think doesn't love you, His LOYAL love never runs out...it just can't.

Crystie

2010

A new day, a new week, a new month, a new year, a new decade...will this be the year that there's a new me?

Will I grow and change?

Will I stay the same and praise Him anyway?

I hope beyond hope that this will be the year He lifts me out of the depression, that 2010 will bring freedom to my soul.

But what if it doesn't happen? What if on Jan 1, 2011 I'm still asking the same questions. What then? How will it affect what I believe to be true? Will I be able to stand it any more? Will I be able to stand at all?

I don't know the answer to those questions, but I do know that I want to be free. I do want to know Him more, in a deeper way. A friend tells me that where I am is where I will get to know Him. Am I willing to stay where I am to know Him better??? I'd like to think so, but if I'm being honest I would have to say I do want to know Him, but I don't want to stay in this place to get that. There has to be an easier way. I know...easy doesn't always mean good. Sometimes hard is better. It's in the tough times, the hard times that we grow and we learn and we see the face of God.

So what am I going to do with this new year? I want to commit to digging deeper in His Word. I want to hunger and thirst for Him. I want to want Him more than anything else in the world. I want to desire Him, I want to long for Him, I want Him to cause me to love Him even more than I do right now.

As the new year begins, my prayer is to be in a place where no matter what, I can trust Him, believe Him, and know above all else that He loves me...

Crystie

Born Again

Today

This is how I feel today:

Psalm 88

O Lord, God of my salvation,
I cry out to you by day.
I come to you at night.
Now hear my prayer;
listen to my cry.
For my life is full of troubles,
and death draws near.
I am as good as dead,
like a strong man with no strength left.
They have left me among the dead,
and I lie like a corpse in a grave.
I am forgotten,
cut off from your care.
You have thrown me into the lowest pit,
into the darkest depths.
Your anger weighs me down;
with wave after wave you have engulfed me.
You have driven my friends away
by making me repulsive to them.
I am in a trap with no way of escape.
My eyes are blinded by my tears.
Each day I beg for your help,
O Lord;
I lift my hands to you for mercy.
Are your wonderful deeds of any use to the dead?
Do the dead rise up and praise you?
Can those in the grave declare your unfailing love?
Can they proclaim your faithfulness in the place of destruction?
Can the darkness speak of your wonderful deeds?
Can anyone in the land of forgetfulness
talk about your righteousness?
O Lord, I cry out to you.
I will keep on pleading day by day.
O Lord, why do you reject me?
Why do you turn your face from me?
I have been sick and close to death since my youth.
I stand helpless and desperate before your terrors.
Your fierce anger has overwhelmed me.
Your terrors have paralyzed me.
They swirl around me like floodwaters all day long.
They have engulfed me completely.
You have taken away my companions and loved ones.
Darkness is my closest friend.

But God in His love and mercy showed me this this morning:

Lamenations 3: 20-26

I will never forget this awful time,
as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:
The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself,
“The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”
The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him.
So it is good to wait quietly
for salvation from the Lord.

Dear Lord help me hide these truths in my heart .

Crystie