Senior Year
5 months ago
Friday, December 3, 2010
Pray for me....
I am so full of questions today. So much is going on in my mind and heart that I don't even know what I believe anymore. I have questions like, why would God bring me so far only to force me back? Doesn't He see me? Doesn't He care? And if not me, then what about Christian? Does He see him? Does He care what happens to him? I'm at a loss...I don't know what to do. I know the promise I was given but it now seems that God is going back on that promise. Why? What do I do now? Where do I go from here? I'm going to be honest and say that my faith is weak. I'm on the brink of walking out on it and just giving up. What difference would it really make anyway? I need answers. I need to know what to do. I'm in a crisis and don't even feel like I can call on my God to help...that's a very hopeless place to be. It's very lonely. So much has happened over the last few weeks and I am having trouble trusting God's hand...I want to believe Him, but the problems are just too great. I can't see my way around them to even get to a place where I can call on Him. I feel like He has thrown me away. I've been thrown away before and it doesn't feel good. Never would I have dreamed that I would be thrown away by God. I know the Bible says that He will never leave me, but it sure feels like He has. I know satan is messing with my mind, deep down I want to believe that I truly do trust God's hand. But this place I'm in...this crisis, has so clouded my mind and my thoughts that I can't even pray. Will you pray for me? Pray that He will make a way, because right now, there doesn't seem to be a way...only darkness. Did I mention that its lonely here?????
Friday, June 25, 2010
Before the Morning...
I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever wondered where God is in my pain. I think some of us have even asked, If You love me, then where are You? Have you forgotten me? His Word says, no, He hasn't forgotten us. Isaiah 49:14-16 says, "can a mother forget the infant at her breast, walk away from the child she bore? But even if mothers forget, I'd never forget you-never. Look, I've written your names on the backs of my hands. The walls that you're rebuilding are never out of my sight." (Msg)
It's hard when we can't see a reason, but there's always a lesson to be learned. Isaiah 38:17 says, "It seems it was good for me to go through these troubles. Throughout them all you held tight to my lifeline. You never let me tumble over the edge into nothing." And Psalm 119:67 says, "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word." Verse 71 says, "my troubles turned out all for the best-they forced me to learn from your book."
I beleive God never lets anything happen without a greater good in mind..."And we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love him..." (Romans 8:28).
The question is will we trust Him? Will we wait and look for the good? Will we be teachable? Will we remember that when (not if) we keep the faith and finish the race that there will be in store for us a crown of righteousness, which the Lord will award to us. (2 Timothy 4:7)
Yes, there is often hurt before the healing. But remember, "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)
Crystie
Monday, May 24, 2010
Random things about me....
Well hey there! It's been a while since I actually wrote something, and to be honest...I got nothin!!! So I decided to share some random things about me just for fun. Hope you enjoy!
1. I am addicted to books, socks, and chap stick.
2. My first pet was a dog named Petunia.
3. I know how to drive a tractor.
4. I would love to learn to sign in worship.
5. The only job I have ever had has been in childcare.
6. My favorite age to teach is 2 yr. olds.
7. I have a weenie dog named Oscar...he needs to medicated because he is CRAZY!
8. I love spending time with my friends.
9. My favorite book is, The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom
10. My real name is Crystal, not Crystie.
11. I changed the spelling of my name in the 10th grade.
12. I love to receive text messages.
13. I am afraid of snakes.
14. I wish I could juggle.
15. I iron everything except socks and underwear!
16. I love to shop at Goodwill.
17. My son is my life!
18. I am closer to being free than I was a year ago.
19. I miss my "adopted" family.
20. I very rarely watch tv.
21. I have never been accused of talking too much :)
22. I have a son who talks nonstop!
23. I wish I could have said goodbye to my grandparents.
24. I'm addicted to reading.
25. Most importantly, I'm believing God!!!
It's not a very exciting list but its all I got right now. Take care and don't forget to breathe in God's Word today.
I love you all,
Crystie
1. I am addicted to books, socks, and chap stick.
2. My first pet was a dog named Petunia.
3. I know how to drive a tractor.
4. I would love to learn to sign in worship.
5. The only job I have ever had has been in childcare.
6. My favorite age to teach is 2 yr. olds.
7. I have a weenie dog named Oscar...he needs to medicated because he is CRAZY!
8. I love spending time with my friends.
9. My favorite book is, The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom
10. My real name is Crystal, not Crystie.
11. I changed the spelling of my name in the 10th grade.
12. I love to receive text messages.
13. I am afraid of snakes.
14. I wish I could juggle.
15. I iron everything except socks and underwear!
16. I love to shop at Goodwill.
17. My son is my life!
18. I am closer to being free than I was a year ago.
19. I miss my "adopted" family.
20. I very rarely watch tv.
21. I have never been accused of talking too much :)
22. I have a son who talks nonstop!
23. I wish I could have said goodbye to my grandparents.
24. I'm addicted to reading.
25. Most importantly, I'm believing God!!!
It's not a very exciting list but its all I got right now. Take care and don't forget to breathe in God's Word today.
I love you all,
Crystie
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Addiction...
Does anyone out there besides me struggle with things you are "addicted" to? Well, I will just go ahead and admit that I have one thing in particular that I struggle with...and addiction of sorts. This thing drives me absolutely crazy. I have asked God to help me with it numerous times, yet here I am still struggling. Just when I think I have it beat, it rears its ugly head and tempts me harder than ever. Sometimes I am strong and able to resist...to call on God and the truth of His Word, but sometimes I fail.
I failed today. I feel terrible, humiliated, and just plain sick to my stomach over it. I hit my knees this morning begging God once more for forgiveness and for help. I wonder sometimes if He gets tired of hearing the same old thing. I wondered that this morning.
After I prayed, I went about my day trying to forget the ugliness of the morning. It was then that God let me know that He was listening to my earlier pleas for help. It came in the form of a text message. It was a prayer lifted up for me by someone else.
Here is what she sent....
"Father, I am asking you, Lord, right now to be Lord over Crystie's life and not to let anything become a master over her that is not of you. Lord, I pray that Your breath of the Holy Spirit would ignite her body inside like a flame, and just give her such passion for all you gave her. We need to remember that You are in control of everything. We love You in Jesus name...Amen."
God is so good. He is faithful even when we are not. If you are struggling today, call out to Him...He will hear you!
Crystie
I failed today. I feel terrible, humiliated, and just plain sick to my stomach over it. I hit my knees this morning begging God once more for forgiveness and for help. I wonder sometimes if He gets tired of hearing the same old thing. I wondered that this morning.
After I prayed, I went about my day trying to forget the ugliness of the morning. It was then that God let me know that He was listening to my earlier pleas for help. It came in the form of a text message. It was a prayer lifted up for me by someone else.
Here is what she sent....
"Father, I am asking you, Lord, right now to be Lord over Crystie's life and not to let anything become a master over her that is not of you. Lord, I pray that Your breath of the Holy Spirit would ignite her body inside like a flame, and just give her such passion for all you gave her. We need to remember that You are in control of everything. We love You in Jesus name...Amen."
God is so good. He is faithful even when we are not. If you are struggling today, call out to Him...He will hear you!
Crystie
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Forgiven
Have you ever screwed up so royally that it cost you so much? That's where I am. The sad part is that there is nothing I can do at this point to fix it. My heart is breaking. Things seem hopeless and I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could make things better, but I can't. All I can do is wait and hope that things work out.
I'm so glad that I can at least be forgiven by God. I'm thankful that there is nothing I can do to make Him withdraw His love for me. He is always there with mercy and grace just when I need it the most, but deserve it the least. Thank You, Lord!
I'm so glad that I can at least be forgiven by God. I'm thankful that there is nothing I can do to make Him withdraw His love for me. He is always there with mercy and grace just when I need it the most, but deserve it the least. Thank You, Lord!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Small Talk
When you are spending time with your friends and family, what's the conversation like? Is it deep and comfortable or is it surface and awkward...kinda like small talk??? Small-talk is usually reserved for first-time meetings or acquaintances, not close and personal. I personally dislike small-talk between friends. It feels surface and fake to me.
I got to thinking about this today and wondered how I would describe my conversations with the Lord. Are they comfortable and deep like those between old friends or are they surface and awkward? If I honestly answer, I would have to say both at times. There are those times where the conversation flows and is sweet, and there are other times where it more difficult.
What makes the conversations with the Lord sweet? The times where there is both listening and talking. Where everything (including my sin) is laid out before Him. Where He draws me in with His Word and speaks to my soul like only a friend can do. Other times the conversation is not so easy, its hard to talk and to listen. As I was thinking about this, I realized that in those difficult times, the problem is mine, not the Lord's. Often times I bring other things to the table like shame, stress, and struggles, and instead of talking about them and giving them to Him, I hold onto them. I say "my prayers" because its the right thing to do. The time with Him feels broken and disconnected. The fellowship feels more like small-talk and its not as sweet.
His desire is for time with us is for it to be deep and meaningful. Conversation that flows and that isn't surface. How do we get to that? What are the key things that make our time with Him flow and more meaningful?
It begins with praise. The Word says that He inhabits the praise of His people. Beth Moore says that, "Sincere praise from your heart will invite God to pull up His chair and become your audience". Praising helps us to remember who He is and what He is able to do.
The next part is repentance. We can only gain victory over sin when we confess it and give it to Him. He already knows our sins, but wants us to acknowledge it as well. Daily confession allows our conversations with Him to flow...letting sin build up causes our time with Him to be broken and awkward. Make a habit of confessing daily!
After times of confession, we can enter into times of intercession. Praying for others is so important. Ask God to reveal to you who He wants you to pray for everyday. Beth again says that to be more effective just pour out the need and don't give Him suggestions. He is more than capable of working things out for good.
Once we have prayed for others then we can pray for ourselves. I don't know about you, but I need help everyday to live the life He has called me to. Again, He knows the things we struggle with, but He wants us to acknowledge that He alone is capable of taking care of them. It helps us to really know and trust Him.
The last thing is equipping. We are all called to serve God, and we can't do this by ourselves. We need help that only He can give. He is the one that gives us everything we need to live and serve Him each and everyday.
In all these things it is remember to thank Him. Philippians 4:6 says, "in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God". Thanksgiving should be woven throughout every part of your time with Him. Thank Him for His faithfulness, for hearing your prayers, for His mercy and forgiveness, and for being big enough to handle all we lay at His feet.
We should be in constant prayer with Him all day long. The Bible says to pray without ceasing. I realize that every prayer we send His way are not going to be this detailed. But I also know that there has to be a time everyday where we put these steps in practice. Our ability to live this life depends on it.
I wish I could say that I have talks with God like this everyday with little breath prayers lifted up throughout the day, but I can't. Many times I let life get in the way, I focus on one circumstance or another. I focus more on the problems that are facing me, rather than on the One who see them all and has a plan to work them for my good. I don't know about you, but I don't want to have small-talk with the Lord. I want to know Him intimately and deeply like two friends or like a child talking to her Daddy.
Lord, help me to come to you daily and lay it all at Your feet. Speak to me through Your Word. Thank You for desiring deep, meaningful time with me everyday....Amen.
Crystie
I got to thinking about this today and wondered how I would describe my conversations with the Lord. Are they comfortable and deep like those between old friends or are they surface and awkward? If I honestly answer, I would have to say both at times. There are those times where the conversation flows and is sweet, and there are other times where it more difficult.
What makes the conversations with the Lord sweet? The times where there is both listening and talking. Where everything (including my sin) is laid out before Him. Where He draws me in with His Word and speaks to my soul like only a friend can do. Other times the conversation is not so easy, its hard to talk and to listen. As I was thinking about this, I realized that in those difficult times, the problem is mine, not the Lord's. Often times I bring other things to the table like shame, stress, and struggles, and instead of talking about them and giving them to Him, I hold onto them. I say "my prayers" because its the right thing to do. The time with Him feels broken and disconnected. The fellowship feels more like small-talk and its not as sweet.
His desire is for time with us is for it to be deep and meaningful. Conversation that flows and that isn't surface. How do we get to that? What are the key things that make our time with Him flow and more meaningful?
It begins with praise. The Word says that He inhabits the praise of His people. Beth Moore says that, "Sincere praise from your heart will invite God to pull up His chair and become your audience". Praising helps us to remember who He is and what He is able to do.
The next part is repentance. We can only gain victory over sin when we confess it and give it to Him. He already knows our sins, but wants us to acknowledge it as well. Daily confession allows our conversations with Him to flow...letting sin build up causes our time with Him to be broken and awkward. Make a habit of confessing daily!
After times of confession, we can enter into times of intercession. Praying for others is so important. Ask God to reveal to you who He wants you to pray for everyday. Beth again says that to be more effective just pour out the need and don't give Him suggestions. He is more than capable of working things out for good.
Once we have prayed for others then we can pray for ourselves. I don't know about you, but I need help everyday to live the life He has called me to. Again, He knows the things we struggle with, but He wants us to acknowledge that He alone is capable of taking care of them. It helps us to really know and trust Him.
The last thing is equipping. We are all called to serve God, and we can't do this by ourselves. We need help that only He can give. He is the one that gives us everything we need to live and serve Him each and everyday.
In all these things it is remember to thank Him. Philippians 4:6 says, "in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God". Thanksgiving should be woven throughout every part of your time with Him. Thank Him for His faithfulness, for hearing your prayers, for His mercy and forgiveness, and for being big enough to handle all we lay at His feet.
We should be in constant prayer with Him all day long. The Bible says to pray without ceasing. I realize that every prayer we send His way are not going to be this detailed. But I also know that there has to be a time everyday where we put these steps in practice. Our ability to live this life depends on it.
I wish I could say that I have talks with God like this everyday with little breath prayers lifted up throughout the day, but I can't. Many times I let life get in the way, I focus on one circumstance or another. I focus more on the problems that are facing me, rather than on the One who see them all and has a plan to work them for my good. I don't know about you, but I don't want to have small-talk with the Lord. I want to know Him intimately and deeply like two friends or like a child talking to her Daddy.
Lord, help me to come to you daily and lay it all at Your feet. Speak to me through Your Word. Thank You for desiring deep, meaningful time with me everyday....Amen.
Crystie
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Meeting the Goal
Several months ago I started memorizing scripture. Now, I didn't do this own my own...I was challenged by my friend, Lynn. For a while, we learned them together. Some of them so God-ordained it wasn't even funny. Taking my cue from Lynn, I got some note cards that are neatly put together with cute little rings. I took my time writing each scripture out so I could review them everyday. I did ok at first. I was able to easily memorize the first few verses, but had a problem holding onto the addresses. Eventually, I laid them down and forgot what I had learned. UGH!!!!
I'm the kind of person that needs a constant reminder of all things that are true and good in my life. With my background and present struggle with depression, it is easy for my to slip into believing Satan's lies over the truth. SO, I decided to pick the scripture memory back up. I was bound and determined that I was going to do this. I set a goal for myself to memorize 25 verses AND their addresses. The first few were not all that hard because it was basically just reviewing what I had already done with Lynn. Those verses came back to me easily. Then I began to search through the Word on my own. I'll admit, I was skeptical. I didn't want to just randomly pick a verse and memorize it, I wanted it to speak to me, to mean something. Several times I was very tempted to throw in the towel, and then I would remember my goal. I didn't want Satan to win. So I kept memorizing the Word and asking God for each new verse. It seemed that the more I learned, the easier it was to remember them. I was amazed. I knew it had to be God because not only was I remembering the verses, BUT their addresses were sticking this time. I was thrilled. But it still seemed my goal was a long way off. Many times I would get frustrated and lay them down, only to be drawn back to them days later. I know God was the one doing the drawing because He has used these verses in my life already. There are times that the only way I can get through a particular moment is to recall the verses He has given me. The best times have been when my frame of mind was so crazy and the verses just popped into my head. There was no thinking about them, trying to recall them, they were just there. Those are the sweetest times. The Lord promises that His Word will not return void and He has proven that in me. When I have needed His Truth, it has been there. Thank you Lord!!!!
Fast forward to today....
Here I am sitting here bored out of my head and decided to get out my cute little verse cards and do some practicing on my new verse. I haven't counted the number I was up to lately so I decided to check out my progress and guess what??????? I AM ON #26!!!!!!!!! Thank You Lord! I have reached my goal!!!!! Yay! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Not only have I stuck with it and put in the work (with God's help), but I have done it without anyone holding my hand. This has turned into a personal thing, not one that I have depended on someone else to do for me. That is just as much a victory for me as learning the verses. I am not writing this to brag on me...but on the Lord. He has done a work in me and it is good. I would not have gotten this far if it were not for HIM and Him alone!!!
26....I'm amazed and thankful. Thankful to the Lord for His faithfulness. He has been with me each and every step of the way. He has given me each verse and used them in my life when I needed their truths to reach into my heart and be a salve to the hurts that are hidden there. BUT, I am also thankful to Lynn. She is the one who taught me the importance of having truth to draw from to replace the lies that Satan throws at you. She encouraged me and taught me how to memorize scripture. Even though I have been "on my own" for the last several months, this is a victory that I can't wait to share with her. She believed in me long before I believed in myself. She spoke truth to me long before I believed it and had it hid inside my heart. This is her victory too. Thank you Lynn....I will be forever grateful!!!
Now to set a new goal....
Crystie
I'm the kind of person that needs a constant reminder of all things that are true and good in my life. With my background and present struggle with depression, it is easy for my to slip into believing Satan's lies over the truth. SO, I decided to pick the scripture memory back up. I was bound and determined that I was going to do this. I set a goal for myself to memorize 25 verses AND their addresses. The first few were not all that hard because it was basically just reviewing what I had already done with Lynn. Those verses came back to me easily. Then I began to search through the Word on my own. I'll admit, I was skeptical. I didn't want to just randomly pick a verse and memorize it, I wanted it to speak to me, to mean something. Several times I was very tempted to throw in the towel, and then I would remember my goal. I didn't want Satan to win. So I kept memorizing the Word and asking God for each new verse. It seemed that the more I learned, the easier it was to remember them. I was amazed. I knew it had to be God because not only was I remembering the verses, BUT their addresses were sticking this time. I was thrilled. But it still seemed my goal was a long way off. Many times I would get frustrated and lay them down, only to be drawn back to them days later. I know God was the one doing the drawing because He has used these verses in my life already. There are times that the only way I can get through a particular moment is to recall the verses He has given me. The best times have been when my frame of mind was so crazy and the verses just popped into my head. There was no thinking about them, trying to recall them, they were just there. Those are the sweetest times. The Lord promises that His Word will not return void and He has proven that in me. When I have needed His Truth, it has been there. Thank you Lord!!!!
Fast forward to today....
Here I am sitting here bored out of my head and decided to get out my cute little verse cards and do some practicing on my new verse. I haven't counted the number I was up to lately so I decided to check out my progress and guess what??????? I AM ON #26!!!!!!!!! Thank You Lord! I have reached my goal!!!!! Yay! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Not only have I stuck with it and put in the work (with God's help), but I have done it without anyone holding my hand. This has turned into a personal thing, not one that I have depended on someone else to do for me. That is just as much a victory for me as learning the verses. I am not writing this to brag on me...but on the Lord. He has done a work in me and it is good. I would not have gotten this far if it were not for HIM and Him alone!!!
26....I'm amazed and thankful. Thankful to the Lord for His faithfulness. He has been with me each and every step of the way. He has given me each verse and used them in my life when I needed their truths to reach into my heart and be a salve to the hurts that are hidden there. BUT, I am also thankful to Lynn. She is the one who taught me the importance of having truth to draw from to replace the lies that Satan throws at you. She encouraged me and taught me how to memorize scripture. Even though I have been "on my own" for the last several months, this is a victory that I can't wait to share with her. She believed in me long before I believed in myself. She spoke truth to me long before I believed it and had it hid inside my heart. This is her victory too. Thank you Lynn....I will be forever grateful!!!
Now to set a new goal....
Crystie
Friday, March 12, 2010
Who's Truth????
Today I feel unlovable. I am having difficulty with one of my parents. They are being very ugly. You would think I would be used to it by now, but I'm not. Every single time this happens it sends me into a tailspin. Instead of believing God's truth, I believe the enemy's lies. Lies like...there is something wrong with me, I'm unlovable, nobody wants me, I'm not worth being loved, etc. I am ashamed at where my thoughts have taken me over the last 24 hours. Trust me, it has not been good. I'm trying to regroup and refocus, but my mind just won't let me. So I am going to do the only thing I know to do at the moment...write them out.
Lord, help me remember all that YOU have to say...
I am the apple of your eye...
You think I am to die for...
You are enthralled with my beauty...
I am strong when I am resting in You...
YOU love me with an everlasting love...
I have the mind of Christ...
I am safe in Your arms...
You will NEVER leave me...
I can do all things in Your strength...
You have written my name on the palm of Your hands...
You know the number of hairs on my head...
You have a plan for my life and it is good...
I was lost and you found me...
You sing over me...
You reached down from on high and took hold of me...
You drew me out of deep waters...
You are taking me to a spacious place...
You rescued me...
You delight in me...
You will build me up...
No weapon formed against me will prevail...
I have perfect peace in You...
You answer when I call...
You are my portion...
You are my deliverer...
You are the lover of my soul...
You are my hiding place...
You are my help and shield...
I am Your daughter and You are my Abba...
You are my refuge...
You sustain me in battle...
You bring me out of darkness...
You know everything about me...
You are faithful...
Lord, please help me dwell on your thoughts and your truths today. My heart is hurting. Help me to trust you and you alone. Help me to believe in your love...your truth.
Lord, help me remember all that YOU have to say...
I am the apple of your eye...
You think I am to die for...
You are enthralled with my beauty...
I am strong when I am resting in You...
YOU love me with an everlasting love...
I have the mind of Christ...
I am safe in Your arms...
You will NEVER leave me...
I can do all things in Your strength...
You have written my name on the palm of Your hands...
You know the number of hairs on my head...
You have a plan for my life and it is good...
I was lost and you found me...
You sing over me...
You reached down from on high and took hold of me...
You drew me out of deep waters...
You are taking me to a spacious place...
You rescued me...
You delight in me...
You will build me up...
No weapon formed against me will prevail...
I have perfect peace in You...
You answer when I call...
You are my portion...
You are my deliverer...
You are the lover of my soul...
You are my hiding place...
You are my help and shield...
I am Your daughter and You are my Abba...
You are my refuge...
You sustain me in battle...
You bring me out of darkness...
You know everything about me...
You are faithful...
Lord, please help me dwell on your thoughts and your truths today. My heart is hurting. Help me to trust you and you alone. Help me to believe in your love...your truth.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Jabez
1 Chronicles 4:10
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.
Oh Lord this is my prayer...
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.
Oh Lord this is my prayer...
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Its A Good Thing to Hope for Help from God
Lamentations 3:19-36 Msg
19-21 I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
22-24 God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left.
25-27 God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times.
28-30 When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst.
31-33 Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way:
34-36 Stomping down hard on luckless prisoners, Refusing justice to victims in the court of High God, Tampering with evidence— the Master does not approve of such things.
Today is one of those days where I just plain feel bad. I'm tired, hurting, and depressed. But God...don't you just love those 2 little words? But God. He comes in and makes His presence known in the midst of our yuck. That is just what happened today. In the middle of feeling so bad, He came in and gave me His Word. I love this passage. I especially love the part about HIs love never running out...thank you Father. It was a fresh reminder that no matter where you are in this world, no matter who you think doesn't love you, His LOYAL love never runs out...it just can't.
Crystie
19-21 I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
22-24 God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left.
25-27 God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times.
28-30 When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst.
31-33 Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way:
34-36 Stomping down hard on luckless prisoners, Refusing justice to victims in the court of High God, Tampering with evidence— the Master does not approve of such things.
Today is one of those days where I just plain feel bad. I'm tired, hurting, and depressed. But God...don't you just love those 2 little words? But God. He comes in and makes His presence known in the midst of our yuck. That is just what happened today. In the middle of feeling so bad, He came in and gave me His Word. I love this passage. I especially love the part about HIs love never running out...thank you Father. It was a fresh reminder that no matter where you are in this world, no matter who you think doesn't love you, His LOYAL love never runs out...it just can't.
Crystie
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010
A new day, a new week, a new month, a new year, a new decade...will this be the year that there's a new me?
Will I grow and change?
Will I stay the same and praise Him anyway?
I hope beyond hope that this will be the year He lifts me out of the depression, that 2010 will bring freedom to my soul.
But what if it doesn't happen? What if on Jan 1, 2011 I'm still asking the same questions. What then? How will it affect what I believe to be true? Will I be able to stand it any more? Will I be able to stand at all?
I don't know the answer to those questions, but I do know that I want to be free. I do want to know Him more, in a deeper way. A friend tells me that where I am is where I will get to know Him. Am I willing to stay where I am to know Him better??? I'd like to think so, but if I'm being honest I would have to say I do want to know Him, but I don't want to stay in this place to get that. There has to be an easier way. I know...easy doesn't always mean good. Sometimes hard is better. It's in the tough times, the hard times that we grow and we learn and we see the face of God.
So what am I going to do with this new year? I want to commit to digging deeper in His Word. I want to hunger and thirst for Him. I want to want Him more than anything else in the world. I want to desire Him, I want to long for Him, I want Him to cause me to love Him even more than I do right now.
As the new year begins, my prayer is to be in a place where no matter what, I can trust Him, believe Him, and know above all else that He loves me...
Crystie
Will I grow and change?
Will I stay the same and praise Him anyway?
I hope beyond hope that this will be the year He lifts me out of the depression, that 2010 will bring freedom to my soul.
But what if it doesn't happen? What if on Jan 1, 2011 I'm still asking the same questions. What then? How will it affect what I believe to be true? Will I be able to stand it any more? Will I be able to stand at all?
I don't know the answer to those questions, but I do know that I want to be free. I do want to know Him more, in a deeper way. A friend tells me that where I am is where I will get to know Him. Am I willing to stay where I am to know Him better??? I'd like to think so, but if I'm being honest I would have to say I do want to know Him, but I don't want to stay in this place to get that. There has to be an easier way. I know...easy doesn't always mean good. Sometimes hard is better. It's in the tough times, the hard times that we grow and we learn and we see the face of God.
So what am I going to do with this new year? I want to commit to digging deeper in His Word. I want to hunger and thirst for Him. I want to want Him more than anything else in the world. I want to desire Him, I want to long for Him, I want Him to cause me to love Him even more than I do right now.
As the new year begins, my prayer is to be in a place where no matter what, I can trust Him, believe Him, and know above all else that He loves me...
Crystie
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