Broken Pieces...

A few weeks ago I read a blog post that really inspired me.  In the post, the writer described a time where the Lord did a tremendous work in her life with a simple broken pitcher.  I felt the Lord telling me I should do the same thing because He had something He wanted to say.  Later that week I began searching for a pitcher that I could use for my time with Him. Once I found it, it sat on a shelf where I could see it for a week and a half.  During that time, I asked the Lord to help me hear what He wanted to say to me.  I didn't want this to be a meaningless activity that I copied from someone else.  I desperately wanted God to speak to me. 


I got up early one morning and decided to get alone with God to see what He had to say.  So, with the pitcher in my hands, I prayed once more then went outside and dropped the pitcher on the sidewalk and watched it shatter into what seemed like a million pieces.  I gathered all the pieces and took them inside.  As I began to sort them, I could really sense His presence.  I took the pieces and started gluing them together and everything seemed to be working out just fine.  The further along that I got though, the harder it became.  Suddenly my mood was yucky and I was upset.  The pieces didn't want to fit back together, I had glue all over my fingers, and I was bleeding in multiple places.  I had reached the point where I was frustrated and wanted to quit...it was too hard and too broken to be put back together.  I gathered up the pieces once again and put them away.  I sat on my bed feeling like a complete mess, a failure.  I wanted to know what I was supposed to learn from that?  What was the point of the whole thing?  As the tears began to fall, I got a text message from a friend.  I told her what I had been doing and how it went.  I told her how it wouldn't go together, and how I was bleeding everywhere.  This was her reply: "Ain't that just like us and life? Not going back together like we want...and bleeding the whole time."  I needed to hear what she had to say and I knew she was right.  I wanted it my way.  I had in my mind the way it was supposed to go and I had lost my focus.  I got so wrapped up in it being "right" that I was missing what God wanted to teach me. God used my friend in that moment to speak to me.  It wasn't supposed to go my way...it was supposed to go His.  He was in control, not me. 


Fast forward about two weeks...


After getting a new perspective on things, I started praying again for God to help me hear from Him.  One night when the house was quiet, I pulled the pieces back out, took a deep breath, and said another quick prayer. I got to work trying to put it back together and it still wouldn't fit back the way I thought it was supposed to.  This time instead of getting frustrated and giving up, I kept praying, asking God to speak.  When I finally had all the pieces back together it looked like a mess. There were cracks in some places and several missing pieces.  I sat there staring at it and wondering what to do next.  Then softly and gently I began to sense the Lord whisper to my heart.  He began to show me some things as I looked at the pitcher.


This is what it looked like...

Before, it was whole and put together...

But then this is what it looked like after it was broken...

And now it looks like this...put back together again...

I began to see my life like the pitcher.  At first glance, the outside looks whole and all put together.  But on the inside I'm a mess...a mess that I can't fix by myself. He showed me that I was not too broken to be put back together. In the end, I WILL be put back together.  He showed me that the missing pieces were things He had healed me from, things I no longer needed. The cracks are there so that once I am filled up by Him, He could seep out and use me to affect others with the same love that He gave to me.


He showed me that this is where I am now...

I am no where close to being put back together.  Instead, I am a work in progress...one where I am growing and learning to lean on Him to fix my broken pieces. It is a process, and I must choose to let him work.  I may be broken, but God has already picked up the pieces and is lovingly and patiently putting me back together...one painful piece at a time.


I am thankful to Him for speaking such powerful truths to me.  For helping me see myself and where I am differently than I did before.  I pray that I will never be the same, that I will allow Him to continue to put me back together so that I can be the vessel He wants me to be...I pray that for you too.


Crystie

Crossroads...

Seems like its been forever since I was here.  So much has happened over the last few months that I don't even know where to begin.  Many changes have taken place...some good, some not so good.  I have so many different emotions...again, some good and some not.  I am kinda at a crossroads of sorts, so many unanswered questions and hurts in my heart.

Christian and I are all settled in at my mom's house and we are doing great.  I am so thankful for the fact that my mom was there and opened her home to us once again.  While I am thankful, my heart feels like its been through a whirlwind.  The loss of my house has sent me deeper into the pit than I already was.  I understand the position that my friend was in over the house, but it still has had tremendous impact on me. 

To say my walk with God has suffered would be an understatement.  I was already struggling and this has pulled me so much further away.  I realize that I'm the one that has walked out, not God.  I know in my wise mind that He is still there, waiting for me, and loving me all the while.  My heart just hurts.  And because of this, other areas of my life are suffering too...like church.  My desires are not where they should be, and neither are my "want-to's".  I feel detached, almost dead inside.  I don't want to go to church, to Bible study, to anything.  I'm not sure if its all me, or if there is something more.  All I know is, I'm not happy there anymore.  I know I need to get a grip SOON or its going to start affecting Christian.  It's just that I don't want to get a grip...like I said, my desires are not what they should be.  The hard part is that detachment is not only in church, but its creeping into other areas of my life.  I feel detached from everything...my job, my friends, my family, and even Christian.  All I want to do is sleep and escape from my mind.  This is a terrible place to be.  It's so hard knowing what you should do, what you should be, and yet not having the desire to do what it takes to get there.  I'm just going through the motions.  Some days I'm successful, and some days I'm not.  While I'm surrounded by people that I know care, I feel so lonely in this place.  No one can fix it, no one can take it away, and no one can make me do what I know needs to be done.  So here is the crossroad...am I going to get on my face before God and make it right, or am I going to keep this wall around my heart and keep going down this road?  It should be an easy decision, but it's not.

Then there is Christian. There are some issues and some hurts that he is facing too.  These are things I can't fix for him and it is breaking my heart. To see him handle his emotions the same way I do tears me up.  On top of that, he will be going back to public school this year.  It's a decision I'm still on the fence about in my heart, but I know it's the right thing for him.  He is not really on board so your prayers are needed.

Well there it is...it's ugly but its the truth.  Please pray for me...for us.  There is so much that I can't even give a specific request.  All I can ask is for you to just pray...

Keep Breathing....

At this point, this is all I can do....

Thankful...

I am thankful for the fact that...

• I have another opportunity to get in His Word and seek His face today.
• His mercies are new every morning...without them I would be more of a mess than I already am.
• His Word says He will never leave me or abandon me or give up on me.
• He hears me when I call.
• There is light in my darkness even though I can't see it right now.
• He does know what He is doing. He has a plan and it is for my good, not my harm.
• He restores lives.
• He fills up the broken places in my heart.
• He is more than enough.
• His will for me is abundant life.
• His Word is Truth and that Truth will set me free.
• He is faithful.
• When I am weak, He is strong.
• I have the mind of Christ.
• His Word says, He rescues me, He brings me out to a spacious place, and He delights in me.
• He rejoices over me with singing.
• He is my "pretty".
• He is able to do far more than I can ever imagine, or guess or request in my wildest dreams.
• Nothing is too hard for Him.
• Even when I can't pray, He prays for me.
• He fights for me.
• Even if everyone else abandons me, He will receive me.
• His perfect love drives out all my fears.
• I can put all my cares on Him and He will sustain me.
• If I trust His Truth and not mine, He will make my paths straight.
• He redeemed me.
• There is hope for my future.
• He sees what I am going through and He knows my pain.
• He will never with hold His love from me.
• He is with me wherever I go.
• He will complete the work that He has started in me.
• His love is unfailing.
• Even though it looks like things are falling apart on the outside, on the inside He is doing something new.

Oh how I love Him! I desire to be close to Him and to realize that He truly is more than enough for me. I want to hunger and thirst for His Word and I want His love to consume me like a fire...

That's all I ask....

Ex 14:14
" The Lord will fight for you, you need only to stand."

As I began praying about and searching for which verse I wanted to start the new year off with, I asked God to lead me to a verse that I needed, one I could learn from. When I came acroos this verse, I had been chatting online with a friend about participating in Beth Moore's Siesta Scripture Memory Team. As we finished our conversation, she left me with Ex. 14:14. When I looked the verse up, I immedeately felt the Lord speak to my heart. "All I am asking you to do in the midst of your depression is to stand," is what I felt Him say to me. Standing is the one thing that I sometimes think I don't have enough strength for. Why? Why do I find it so hard to just stand? Because I'm too busy kicking and screaming and trying to fight this thing out. I'm so consumed with the "why" that I can't see what He is trying to teach me. There is so much more to this thing that my mind can see. There's a much bigger purpose for my pain. He promises that He will fight this battle for me. I waste so much time and energy when all I need to do is be still and stand. Stand on what? His truth, His promises, His Word. Seems so simple...can I stand? Will I stand? Will I choose to stand and let Him do the rest? Will I claim His promises and hold fast to His Word? My prayer and desire for 2011 is that I will take Him at His Word and let Him have the battle...it is His to fight anyway. All He is asking of me is to stand and let Him fight it.

Crystie

Pray for me....

I am so full of questions today. So much is going on in my mind and heart that I don't even know what I believe anymore. I have questions like, why would God bring me so far only to force me back? Doesn't He see me? Doesn't He care? And if not me, then what about Christian? Does He see him? Does He care what happens to him? I'm at a loss...I don't know what to do. I know the promise I was given but it now seems that God is going back on that promise. Why? What do I do now? Where do I go from here? I'm going to be honest and say that my faith is weak. I'm on the brink of walking out on it and just giving up. What difference would it really make anyway? I need answers. I need to know what to do. I'm in a crisis and don't even feel like I can call on my God to help...that's a very hopeless place to be. It's very lonely. So much has happened over the last few weeks and I am having trouble trusting God's hand...I want to believe Him, but the problems are just too great. I can't see my way around them to even get to a place where I can call on Him. I feel like He has thrown me away. I've been thrown away before and it doesn't feel good. Never would I have dreamed that I would be thrown away by God. I know the Bible says that He will never leave me, but it sure feels like He has. I know satan is messing with my mind, deep down I want to believe that I truly do trust God's hand. But this place I'm in...this crisis, has so clouded my mind and my thoughts that I can't even pray. Will you pray for me? Pray that He will make a way, because right now, there doesn't seem to be a way...only darkness. Did I mention that its lonely here?????

Before the Morning...

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever wondered where God is in my pain. I think some of us have even asked, If You love me, then where are You? Have you forgotten me? His Word says, no, He hasn't forgotten us. Isaiah 49:14-16 says, "can a mother forget the infant at her breast, walk away from the child she bore? But even if mothers forget, I'd never forget you-never. Look, I've written your names on the backs of my hands. The walls that you're rebuilding are never out of my sight." (Msg)

It's hard when we can't see a reason, but there's always a lesson to be learned. Isaiah 38:17 says, "It seems it was good for me to go through these troubles. Throughout them all you held tight to my lifeline. You never let me tumble over the edge into nothing." And Psalm 119:67 says, "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word." Verse 71 says, "my troubles turned out all for the best-they forced me to learn from your book."

I beleive God never lets anything happen without a greater good in mind..."And we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love him..." (Romans 8:28).

The question is will we trust Him? Will we wait and look for the good? Will we be teachable? Will we remember that when (not if) we keep the faith and finish the race that there will be in store for us a crown of righteousness, which the Lord will award to us. (2 Timothy 4:7)

Yes, there is often hurt before the healing. But remember, "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)

Crystie

Random things about me....

Well hey there! It's been a while since I actually wrote something, and to be honest...I got nothin!!! So I decided to share some random things about me just for fun. Hope you enjoy!

1. I am addicted to books, socks, and chap stick.
2. My first pet was a dog named Petunia.
3. I know how to drive a tractor.
4. I would love to learn to sign in worship.
5. The only job I have ever had has been in childcare.
6. My favorite age to teach is 2 yr. olds.
7. I have a weenie dog named Oscar...he needs to medicated because he is CRAZY!
8. I love spending time with my friends.
9. My favorite book is, The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom
10. My real name is Crystal, not Crystie.
11. I changed the spelling of my name in the 10th grade.
12. I love to receive text messages.
13. I am afraid of snakes.
14. I wish I could juggle.
15. I iron everything except socks and underwear!
16. I love to shop at Goodwill.
17. My son is my life!
18. I am closer to being free than I was a year ago.
19. I miss my "adopted" family.
20. I very rarely watch tv.
21. I have never been accused of talking too much :)
22. I have a son who talks nonstop!
23. I wish I could have said goodbye to my grandparents.
24. I'm addicted to reading.
25. Most importantly, I'm believing God!!!

It's not a very exciting list but its all I got right now. Take care and don't forget to breathe in God's Word today.

I love you all,
Crystie

Happy Mother's Day!

Addiction...

Does anyone out there besides me struggle with things you are "addicted" to? Well, I will just go ahead and admit that I have one thing in particular that I struggle with...and addiction of sorts. This thing drives me absolutely crazy. I have asked God to help me with it numerous times, yet here I am still struggling. Just when I think I have it beat, it rears its ugly head and tempts me harder than ever. Sometimes I am strong and able to resist...to call on God and the truth of His Word, but sometimes I fail.

I failed today. I feel terrible, humiliated, and just plain sick to my stomach over it. I hit my knees this morning begging God once more for forgiveness and for help. I wonder sometimes if He gets tired of hearing the same old thing. I wondered that this morning.

After I prayed, I went about my day trying to forget the ugliness of the morning. It was then that God let me know that He was listening to my earlier pleas for help. It came in the form of a text message. It was a prayer lifted up for me by someone else.

Here is what she sent....

"Father, I am asking you, Lord, right now to be Lord over Crystie's life and not to let anything become a master over her that is not of you. Lord, I pray that Your breath of the Holy Spirit would ignite her body inside like a flame, and just give her such passion for all you gave her. We need to remember that You are in control of everything. We love You in Jesus name...Amen."

God is so good. He is faithful even when we are not. If you are struggling today, call out to Him...He will hear you!

Crystie

Empty Me

Forgiven

Have you ever screwed up so royally that it cost you so much? That's where I am. The sad part is that there is nothing I can do at this point to fix it. My heart is breaking. Things seem hopeless and I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could make things better, but I can't. All I can do is wait and hope that things work out.

I'm so glad that I can at least be forgiven by God. I'm thankful that there is nothing I can do to make Him withdraw His love for me. He is always there with mercy and grace just when I need it the most, but deserve it the least. Thank You, Lord!

Small Talk

When you are spending time with your friends and family, what's the conversation like? Is it deep and comfortable or is it surface and awkward...kinda like small talk??? Small-talk is usually reserved for first-time meetings or acquaintances, not close and personal. I personally dislike small-talk between friends. It feels surface and fake to me.

I got to thinking about this today and wondered how I would describe my conversations with the Lord. Are they comfortable and deep like those between old friends or are they surface and awkward? If I honestly answer, I would have to say both at times. There are those times where the conversation flows and is sweet, and there are other times where it more difficult.

What makes the conversations with the Lord sweet? The times where there is both listening and talking. Where everything (including my sin) is laid out before Him. Where He draws me in with His Word and speaks to my soul like only a friend can do. Other times the conversation is not so easy, its hard to talk and to listen. As I was thinking about this, I realized that in those difficult times, the problem is mine, not the Lord's. Often times I bring other things to the table like shame, stress, and struggles, and instead of talking about them and giving them to Him, I hold onto them. I say "my prayers" because its the right thing to do. The time with Him feels broken and disconnected. The fellowship feels more like small-talk and its not as sweet.

His desire is for time with us is for it to be deep and meaningful. Conversation that flows and that isn't surface. How do we get to that? What are the key things that make our time with Him flow and more meaningful?

It begins with praise. The Word says that He inhabits the praise of His people. Beth Moore says that, "Sincere praise from your heart will invite God to pull up His chair and become your audience". Praising helps us to remember who He is and what He is able to do.

The next part is repentance. We can only gain victory over sin when we confess it and give it to Him. He already knows our sins, but wants us to acknowledge it as well. Daily confession allows our conversations with Him to flow...letting sin build up causes our time with Him to be broken and awkward. Make a habit of confessing daily!

After times of confession, we can enter into times of intercession. Praying for others is so important. Ask God to reveal to you who He wants you to pray for everyday. Beth again says that to be more effective just pour out the need and don't give Him suggestions. He is more than capable of working things out for good.

Once we have prayed for others then we can pray for ourselves. I don't know about you, but I need help everyday to live the life He has called me to. Again, He knows the things we struggle with, but He wants us to acknowledge that He alone is capable of taking care of them. It helps us to really know and trust Him.

The last thing is equipping. We are all called to serve God, and we can't do this by ourselves. We need help that only He can give. He is the one that gives us everything we need to live and serve Him each and everyday.

In all these things it is remember to thank Him. Philippians 4:6 says, "in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God". Thanksgiving should be woven throughout every part of your time with Him. Thank Him for His faithfulness, for hearing your prayers, for His mercy and forgiveness, and for being big enough to handle all we lay at His feet.

We should be in constant prayer with Him all day long. The Bible says to pray without ceasing. I realize that every prayer we send His way are not going to be this detailed. But I also know that there has to be a time everyday where we put these steps in practice. Our ability to live this life depends on it.

I wish I could say that I have talks with God like this everyday with little breath prayers lifted up throughout the day, but I can't. Many times I let life get in the way, I focus on one circumstance or another. I focus more on the problems that are facing me, rather than on the One who see them all and has a plan to work them for my good. I don't know about you, but I don't want to have small-talk with the Lord. I want to know Him intimately and deeply like two friends or like a child talking to her Daddy.

Lord, help me to come to you daily and lay it all at Your feet. Speak to me through Your Word. Thank You for desiring deep, meaningful time with me everyday....Amen.


Crystie

Meeting the Goal

Several months ago I started memorizing scripture. Now, I didn't do this own my own...I was challenged by my friend, Lynn. For a while, we learned them together. Some of them so God-ordained it wasn't even funny. Taking my cue from Lynn, I got some note cards that are neatly put together with cute little rings. I took my time writing each scripture out so I could review them everyday. I did ok at first. I was able to easily memorize the first few verses, but had a problem holding onto the addresses. Eventually, I laid them down and forgot what I had learned. UGH!!!!

I'm the kind of person that needs a constant reminder of all things that are true and good in my life. With my background and present struggle with depression, it is easy for my to slip into believing Satan's lies over the truth. SO, I decided to pick the scripture memory back up. I was bound and determined that I was going to do this. I set a goal for myself to memorize 25 verses AND their addresses. The first few were not all that hard because it was basically just reviewing what I had already done with Lynn. Those verses came back to me easily. Then I began to search through the Word on my own. I'll admit, I was skeptical. I didn't want to just randomly pick a verse and memorize it, I wanted it to speak to me, to mean something. Several times I was very tempted to throw in the towel, and then I would remember my goal. I didn't want Satan to win. So I kept memorizing the Word and asking God for each new verse. It seemed that the more I learned, the easier it was to remember them. I was amazed. I knew it had to be God because not only was I remembering the verses, BUT their addresses were sticking this time. I was thrilled. But it still seemed my goal was a long way off. Many times I would get frustrated and lay them down, only to be drawn back to them days later. I know God was the one doing the drawing because He has used these verses in my life already. There are times that the only way I can get through a particular moment is to recall the verses He has given me. The best times have been when my frame of mind was so crazy and the verses just popped into my head. There was no thinking about them, trying to recall them, they were just there. Those are the sweetest times. The Lord promises that His Word will not return void and He has proven that in me. When I have needed His Truth, it has been there. Thank you Lord!!!!

Fast forward to today....

Here I am sitting here bored out of my head and decided to get out my cute little verse cards and do some practicing on my new verse. I haven't counted the number I was up to lately so I decided to check out my progress and guess what??????? I AM ON #26!!!!!!!!! Thank You Lord! I have reached my goal!!!!! Yay! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Not only have I stuck with it and put in the work (with God's help), but I have done it without anyone holding my hand. This has turned into a personal thing, not one that I have depended on someone else to do for me. That is just as much a victory for me as learning the verses. I am not writing this to brag on me...but on the Lord. He has done a work in me and it is good. I would not have gotten this far if it were not for HIM and Him alone!!!

26....I'm amazed and thankful. Thankful to the Lord for His faithfulness. He has been with me each and every step of the way. He has given me each verse and used them in my life when I needed their truths to reach into my heart and be a salve to the hurts that are hidden there. BUT, I am also thankful to Lynn. She is the one who taught me the importance of having truth to draw from to replace the lies that Satan throws at you. She encouraged me and taught me how to memorize scripture. Even though I have been "on my own" for the last several months, this is a victory that I can't wait to share with her. She believed in me long before I believed in myself. She spoke truth to me long before I believed it and had it hid inside my heart. This is her victory too. Thank you Lynn....I will be forever grateful!!!

Now to set a new goal....

Crystie

Who's Truth????

Today I feel unlovable. I am having difficulty with one of my parents. They are being very ugly. You would think I would be used to it by now, but I'm not. Every single time this happens it sends me into a tailspin. Instead of believing God's truth, I believe the enemy's lies. Lies like...there is something wrong with me, I'm unlovable, nobody wants me, I'm not worth being loved, etc. I am ashamed at where my thoughts have taken me over the last 24 hours. Trust me, it has not been good. I'm trying to regroup and refocus, but my mind just won't let me. So I am going to do the only thing I know to do at the moment...write them out.

Lord, help me remember all that YOU have to say...

I am the apple of your eye...
You think I am to die for...
You are enthralled with my beauty...
I am strong when I am resting in You...
YOU love me with an everlasting love...
I have the mind of Christ...
I am safe in Your arms...
You will NEVER leave me...
I can do all things in Your strength...
You have written my name on the palm of Your hands...
You know the number of hairs on my head...
You have a plan for my life and it is good...
I was lost and you found me...
You sing over me...
You reached down from on high and took hold of me...
You drew me out of deep waters...
You are taking me to a spacious place...
You rescued me...
You delight in me...
You will build me up...
No weapon formed against me will prevail...
I have perfect peace in You...
You answer when I call...
You are my portion...
You are my deliverer...
You are the lover of my soul...
You are my hiding place...
You are my help and shield...
I am Your daughter and You are my Abba...
You are my refuge...
You sustain me in battle...
You bring me out of darkness...
You know everything about me...
You are faithful...

Lord, please help me dwell on your thoughts and your truths today. My heart is hurting. Help me to trust you and you alone. Help me to believe in your love...your truth.

Jabez

1 Chronicles 4:10

Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.


Oh Lord this is my prayer...

Its A Good Thing to Hope for Help from God

Lamentations 3:19-36 Msg

19-21 I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

22-24 God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left.

25-27 God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times.

28-30 When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst.

31-33 Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way:

34-36 Stomping down hard on luckless prisoners, Refusing justice to victims in the court of High God, Tampering with evidence— the Master does not approve of such things.

Today is one of those days where I just plain feel bad. I'm tired, hurting, and depressed. But God...don't you just love those 2 little words? But God. He comes in and makes His presence known in the midst of our yuck. That is just what happened today. In the middle of feeling so bad, He came in and gave me His Word. I love this passage. I especially love the part about HIs love never running out...thank you Father. It was a fresh reminder that no matter where you are in this world, no matter who you think doesn't love you, His LOYAL love never runs out...it just can't.

Crystie

2010

A new day, a new week, a new month, a new year, a new decade...will this be the year that there's a new me?

Will I grow and change?

Will I stay the same and praise Him anyway?

I hope beyond hope that this will be the year He lifts me out of the depression, that 2010 will bring freedom to my soul.

But what if it doesn't happen? What if on Jan 1, 2011 I'm still asking the same questions. What then? How will it affect what I believe to be true? Will I be able to stand it any more? Will I be able to stand at all?

I don't know the answer to those questions, but I do know that I want to be free. I do want to know Him more, in a deeper way. A friend tells me that where I am is where I will get to know Him. Am I willing to stay where I am to know Him better??? I'd like to think so, but if I'm being honest I would have to say I do want to know Him, but I don't want to stay in this place to get that. There has to be an easier way. I know...easy doesn't always mean good. Sometimes hard is better. It's in the tough times, the hard times that we grow and we learn and we see the face of God.

So what am I going to do with this new year? I want to commit to digging deeper in His Word. I want to hunger and thirst for Him. I want to want Him more than anything else in the world. I want to desire Him, I want to long for Him, I want Him to cause me to love Him even more than I do right now.

As the new year begins, my prayer is to be in a place where no matter what, I can trust Him, believe Him, and know above all else that He loves me...

Crystie

Born Again

Today

This is how I feel today:

Psalm 88

O Lord, God of my salvation,
I cry out to you by day.
I come to you at night.
Now hear my prayer;
listen to my cry.
For my life is full of troubles,
and death draws near.
I am as good as dead,
like a strong man with no strength left.
They have left me among the dead,
and I lie like a corpse in a grave.
I am forgotten,
cut off from your care.
You have thrown me into the lowest pit,
into the darkest depths.
Your anger weighs me down;
with wave after wave you have engulfed me.
You have driven my friends away
by making me repulsive to them.
I am in a trap with no way of escape.
My eyes are blinded by my tears.
Each day I beg for your help,
O Lord;
I lift my hands to you for mercy.
Are your wonderful deeds of any use to the dead?
Do the dead rise up and praise you?
Can those in the grave declare your unfailing love?
Can they proclaim your faithfulness in the place of destruction?
Can the darkness speak of your wonderful deeds?
Can anyone in the land of forgetfulness
talk about your righteousness?
O Lord, I cry out to you.
I will keep on pleading day by day.
O Lord, why do you reject me?
Why do you turn your face from me?
I have been sick and close to death since my youth.
I stand helpless and desperate before your terrors.
Your fierce anger has overwhelmed me.
Your terrors have paralyzed me.
They swirl around me like floodwaters all day long.
They have engulfed me completely.
You have taken away my companions and loved ones.
Darkness is my closest friend.

But God in His love and mercy showed me this this morning:

Lamenations 3: 20-26

I will never forget this awful time,
as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:
The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself,
“The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”
The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him.
So it is good to wait quietly
for salvation from the Lord.

Dear Lord help me hide these truths in my heart .

Crystie