From Deep Waters To Spacious Places

Anyone there?

2012-01-27T11:39:00.001-05:00

Just wondering...
Is there anyone out there who had a mind so messed up that they thought they were never gonna make it? Did you come out on the other side? Wanna share?

Broken Pieces...

2011-09-19T18:03:00.009-04:00

A few weeks ago I read a blog post that really inspired me. In the post, the writer described a time where the Lord did a tremendous work in her life with a simple broken pitcher. I felt the Lord telling me I should do the same thing because He had something He wanted to say. Later that week I began searching for a pitcher that I could use for my time with Him. Once I found it, it sat on a shelf where I could see it for a week and a half. During that time, I asked the Lord to help me hear what He wanted to say to me. I didn't want this to be a meaningless activity that I copied from someone else. I desperately wanted God to speak to me.

I got up early one morning and decided to get alone with God to see what He had to say. So, with the pitcher in my hands, I prayed once more then went outside and dropped the pitcher on the sidewalk and watched it shatter into what seemed like a million pieces. I gathered all the pieces and took them inside. As I began to sort them, I could really sense His presence. I took the pieces and started gluing them together and everything seemed to be working out just fine. The further along that I got though, the harder it became. Suddenly my mood was yucky and I was upset. The pieces didn't want to fit back together, I had glue all over my fingers, and I was bleeding in multiple places. I had reached the point where I was frustrated and wanted to quit...it was too hard and too broken to be put back together. I gathered up the pieces once again and put them away. I sat on my bed feeling like a complete mess, a failure. I wanted to know what I was supposed to learn from that? What was the point of the whole thing? As the tears began to fall, I got a text message from a friend. I told her what I had been doing and how it went. I told her how it wouldn't go together, and how I was bleeding everywhere. This was her reply: "Ain't that just like us and life? Not going back together like we want...and bleeding the whole time." I needed to hear what she had to say and I knew she was right. I wanted it my way. I had in my mind the way it was supposed to go and I had lost my focus. I got so wrapped up in it being "right" that I was missing what God wanted to teach me. God used my friend in that moment to speak to me. It wasn't supposed to go my way...it was supposed to go His. He was in control, not me.

Fast forward about two weeks...

After getting a new perspective on things, I started praying again for God to help me hear from Him. One night when the house was quiet, I pulled the pieces back out, took a deep breath, and said another quick prayer. I got to work trying to put it back together and it still wouldn't fit back the way I thought it was supposed to. This time instead of getting frustrated and giving up, I kept praying, asking God to speak. When I finally had all the pieces back together it looked like a mess. There were cracks in some places and several missing pieces. I sat there staring at it and wondering what to do next. Then softly and gently I began to sense the Lord whisper to my heart. He began to show me some things as I looked at the pitcher.

This is what it looked like...

Before, it was whole and put together...

But then this is what it looked like after it was broken...

And now it looks like this...put back together again...

I began to see my life like the pitcher. At first glance, the outside looks whole and all put together. But on the inside I'm a mess...a mess that I can't fix by myself. He showed me that I was not too broken to be put back together. In the end, I WILL be put back together. He showed me that the missing pieces were things He had healed me from, things I no longer needed. The cracks are there so that once I am filled up by Him, He could seep out and use me to affect others with the same love that He gave to me.

He showed me that this is where I am now...

I am no where close to being put back together. Instead, I am a work in progress...one where I am growing and learning to lean on Him to fix my broken pieces. It is a process, and I must choose to let him work. I may be broken, but God has already picked up the pieces and is lovingly and patiently putting me back together...one painful piece at a time.

I am thankful to Him for speaking such powerful truths to me. For helping me see myself and where I am differently than I did before. I pray that I will never be the same, that I will allow Him to continue to put me back together so that I can be the vessel He wants me to be...I pray that for you too.

Crystie

Crossroads...

2011-06-22T11:01:00.000-04:00

Seems like its been forever since I was here. So much has happened over the last few months that I don't even know where to begin. Many changes have taken place...some good, some not so good. I have so many different emotions...again, some good and some not. I am kinda at a crossroads of sorts, so many unanswered questions and hurts in my heart.

Christian and I are all settled in at my mom's house and we are doing great. I am so thankful for the fact that my mom was there and opened her home to us once again. While I am thankful, my heart feels like its been through a whirlwind. The loss of my house has sent me deeper into the pit than I already was. I understand the position that my friend was in over the house, but it still has had tremendous impact on me.

To say my walk with God has suffered would be an understatement. I was already struggling and this has pulled me so much further away. I realize that I'm the one that has walked out, not God. I know in my wise mind that He is still there, waiting for me, and loving me all the while. My heart just hurts. And because of this, other areas of my life are suffering too...like church. My desires are not where they should be, and neither are my "want-to's". I feel detached, almost dead inside. I don't want to go to church, to Bible study, to anything. I'm not sure if its all me, or if there is something more. All I know is, I'm not happy there anymore. I know I need to get a grip SOON or its going to start affecting Christian. It's just that I don't want to get a grip...like I said, my desires are not what they should be. The hard part is that detachment is not only in church, but its creeping into other areas of my life. I feel detached from everything...my job, my friends, my family, and even Christian. All I want to do is sleep and escape from my mind. This is a terrible place to be. It's so hard knowing what you should do, what you should be, and yet not having the desire to do what it takes to get there. I'm just going through the motions. Some days I'm successful, and some days I'm not. While I'm surrounded by people that I know care, I feel so lonely in this place. No one can fix it, no one can take it away, and no one can make me do what I know needs to be done. So here is the crossroad...am I going to get on my face before God and make it right, or am I going to keep this wall around my heart and keep going down this road? It should be an easy decision, but it's not.

Then there is Christian. There are some issues and some hurts that he is facing too. These are things I can't fix for him and it is breaking my heart. To see him handle his emotions the same way I do tears me up. On top of that, he will be going back to public school this year. It's a decision I'm still on the fence about in my heart, but I know it's the right thing for him. He is not really on board so your prayers are needed.

Well there it is...it's ugly but its the truth. Please pray for me...for us. There is so much that I can't even give a specific request. All I can ask is for you to just pray...

Keep Breathing....

2011-03-24T20:08:00.000-04:00

At this point, this is all I can do....

Thankful...

2011-02-25T07:37:00.006-05:00

I am thankful for the fact that...

I have another opportunity to get in His Word and seek His face today.
His mercies are new every morning...without them I would be more of a mess than I already am.
His Word says He will never leave me or abandon me or give up on me.
He hears me when I call.
There is light in my darkness even though I can't see it right now.
He does know what He is doing. He has a plan and it is for my good, not my harm.
He restores lives.
He fills up the broken places in my heart.
He is more than enough.
His will for me is abundant life.
His Word is Truth and that Truth will set me free.
He is faithful.
When I am weak, He is strong.
I have the mind of Christ.
His Word says, He rescues me, He brings me out to a spacious place, and He delights in me.
He rejoices over me with singing.
He is my "pretty".
He is able to do far more than I can ever imagine, or guess or request in my wildest dreams.
Nothing is too hard for Him.
Even when I can't pray, He prays for me.
He fights for me.
Even if everyone else abandons me, He will receive me.
His perfect love drives out all my fears.
I can put all my cares on Him and He will sustain me.
If I trust His Truth and not mine, He will make my paths straight.
He redeemed me.
There is hope for my future.
He sees what I am going through and He knows my pain.
He will never with hold His love from me.
He is with me wherever I go.
He will complete the work that He has started in me.
His love is unfailing.
Even though it looks like things are falling apart on the outside, on the inside He is doing something new.

Oh how I love Him! I desire to be close to Him and to realize that He truly is more than enough for me. I want to hunger and thirst for His Word and I want His love to consume me like a fire...

That's all I ask....

2011-01-06T16:27:00.005-05:00

Ex 14:14
" The Lord will fight for you, you need only to stand."

As I began praying about and searching for which verse I wanted to start the new year off with, I asked God to lead me to a verse that I needed, one I could learn from. When I came acroos this verse, I had been chatting online with a friend about participating in Beth Moore's Siesta Scripture Memory Team. As we finished our conversation, she left me with Ex. 14:14. When I looked the verse up, I immedeately felt the Lord speak to my heart. "All I am asking you to do in the midst of your depression is to stand," is what I felt Him say to me. Standing is the one thing that I sometimes think I don't have enough strength for. Why? Why do I find it so hard to just stand? Because I'm too busy kicking and screaming and trying to fight this thing out. I'm so consumed with the "why" that I can't see what He is trying to teach me. There is so much more to this thing that my mind can see. There's a much bigger purpose for my pain. He promises that He will fight this battle for me. I waste so much time and energy when all I need to do is be still and stand. Stand on what? His truth, His promises, His Word. Seems so simple...can I stand? Will I stand? Will I choose to stand and let Him do the rest? Will I claim His promises and hold fast to His Word? My prayer and desire for 2011 is that I will take Him at His Word and let Him have the battle...it is His to fight anyway. All He is asking of me is to stand and let Him fight it.

Crystie

Pray for me....

2010-12-03T11:40:00.005-05:00

I am so full of questions today. So much is going on in my mind and heart that I don't even know what I believe anymore. I have questions like, why would God bring me so far only to force me back? Doesn't He see me? Doesn't He care? And if not me, then what about Christian? Does He see him? Does He care what happens to him? I'm at a loss...I don't know what to do. I know the promise I was given but it now seems that God is going back on that promise. Why? What do I do now? Where do I go from here? I'm going to be honest and say that my faith is weak. I'm on the brink of walking out on it and just giving up. What difference would it really make anyway? I need answers. I need to know what to do. I'm in a crisis and don't even feel like I can call on my God to help...that's a very hopeless place to be. It's very lonely. So much has happened over the last few weeks and I am having trouble trusting God's hand...I want to believe Him, but the problems are just too great. I can't see my way around them to even get to a place where I can call on Him. I feel like He has thrown me away. I've been thrown away before and it doesn't feel good. Never would I have dreamed that I would be thrown away by God. I know the Bible says that He will never leave me, but it sure feels like He has. I know satan is messing with my mind, deep down I want to believe that I truly do trust God's hand. But this place I'm in...this crisis, has so clouded my mind and my thoughts that I can't even pray. Will you pray for me? Pray that He will make a way, because right now, there doesn't seem to be a way...only darkness. Did I mention that its lonely here?????

Before the Morning...

2010-06-25T08:18:00.003-04:00

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever wondered where God is in my pain. I think some of us have even asked, If You love me, then where are You? Have you forgotten me? His Word says, no, He hasn't forgotten us. Isaiah 49:14-16 says, "can a mother forget the infant at her breast, walk away from the child she bore? But even if mothers forget, I'd never forget you-never. Look, I've written your names on the backs of my hands. The walls that you're rebuilding are never out of my sight." (Msg)

It's hard when we can't see a reason, but there's always a lesson to be learned. Isaiah 38:17 says, "It seems it was good for me to go through these troubles. Throughout them all you held tight to my lifeline. You never let me tumble over the edge into nothing." And Psalm 119:67 says, "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word." Verse 71 says, "my troubles turned out all for the best-they forced me to learn from your book."

I beleive God never lets anything happen without a greater good in mind..."And we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love him..." (Romans 8:28).

The question is will we trust Him? Will we wait and look for the good? Will we be teachable? Will we remember that when (not if) we keep the faith and finish the race that there will be in store for us a crown of righteousness, which the Lord will award to us. (2 Timothy 4:7)

Yes, there is often hurt before the healing. But remember, "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)

Crystie

Random things about me....

2010-05-24T20:09:00.004-04:00

Well hey there! It's been a while since I actually wrote something, and to be honest...I got nothin!!! So I decided to share some random things about me just for fun. Hope you enjoy!

1. I am addicted to books, socks, and chap stick.
2. My first pet was a dog named Petunia.
3. I know how to drive a tractor.
4. I would love to learn to sign in worship.
5. The only job I have ever had has been in childcare.
6. My favorite age to teach is 2 yr. olds.
7. I have a weenie dog named Oscar...he needs to medicated because he is CRAZY!
8. I love spending time with my friends.
9. My favorite book is, The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom
10. My real name is Crystal, not Crystie.
11. I changed the spelling of my name in the 10th grade.
12. I love to receive text messages.
13. I am afraid of snakes.
14. I wish I could juggle.
15. I iron everything except socks and underwear!
16. I love to shop at Goodwill.
17. My son is my life!
18. I am closer to being free than I was a year ago.
19. I miss my "adopted" family.
20. I very rarely watch tv.
21. I have never been accused of talking too much :)
22. I have a son who talks nonstop!
23. I wish I could have said goodbye to my grandparents.
24. I'm addicted to reading.
25. Most importantly, I'm believing God!!!

It's not a very exciting list but its all I got right now. Take care and don't forget to breathe in God's Word today.

I love you all,
Crystie

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-08T11:02:00.002-04:00

Addiction...

2010-04-12T15:27:00.003-04:00

Does anyone out there besides me struggle with things you are "addicted" to? Well, I will just go ahead and admit that I have one thing in particular that I struggle with...and addiction of sorts. This thing drives me absolutely crazy. I have asked God to help me with it numerous times, yet here I am still struggling. Just when I think I have it beat, it rears its ugly head and tempts me harder than ever. Sometimes I am strong and able to resist...to call on God and the truth of His Word, but sometimes I fail.

I failed today. I feel terrible, humiliated, and just plain sick to my stomach over it. I hit my knees this morning begging God once more for forgiveness and for help. I wonder sometimes if He gets tired of hearing the same old thing. I wondered that this morning.

After I prayed, I went about my day trying to forget the ugliness of the morning. It was then that God let me know that He was listening to my earlier pleas for help. It came in the form of a text message. It was a prayer lifted up for me by someone else.

Here is what she sent....

"Father, I am asking you, Lord, right now to be Lord over Crystie's life and not to let anything become a master over her that is not of you. Lord, I pray that Your breath of the Holy Spirit would ignite her body inside like a flame, and just give her such passion for all you gave her. We need to remember that You are in control of everything. We love You in Jesus name...Amen."

God is so good. He is faithful even when we are not. If you are struggling today, call out to Him...He will hear you!

Crystie

Empty Me

2010-04-03T16:09:00.002-04:00

Forgiven

2010-03-29T21:25:00.002-04:00

Have you ever screwed up so royally that it cost you so much? That's where I am. The sad part is that there is nothing I can do at this point to fix it. My heart is breaking. Things seem hopeless and I wish I could go back in time. I wish I could make things better, but I can't. All I can do is wait and hope that things work out.

I'm so glad that I can at least be forgiven by God. I'm thankful that there is nothing I can do to make Him withdraw His love for me. He is always there with mercy and grace just when I need it the most, but deserve it the least. Thank You, Lord!

Small Talk

2010-03-20T19:24:00.005-04:00

When you are spending time with your friends and family, what's the conversation like? Is it deep and comfortable or is it surface and awkward...kinda like small talk??? Small-talk is usually reserved for first-time meetings or acquaintances, not close and personal. I personally dislike small-talk between friends. It feels surface and fake to me.

I got to thinking about this today and wondered how I would describe my conversations with the Lord. Are they comfortable and deep like those between old friends or are they surface and awkward? If I honestly answer, I would have to say both at times. There are those times where the conversation flows and is sweet, and there are other times where it more difficult.

What makes the conversations with the Lord sweet? The times where there is both listening and talking. Where everything (including my sin) is laid out before Him. Where He draws me in with His Word and speaks to my soul like only a friend can do. Other times the conversation is not so easy, its hard to talk and to listen. As I was thinking about this, I realized that in those difficult times, the problem is mine, not the Lord's. Often times I bring other things to the table like shame, stress, and struggles, and instead of talking about them and giving them to Him, I hold onto them. I say "my prayers" because its the right thing to do. The time with Him feels broken and disconnected. The fellowship feels more like small-talk and its not as sweet.

His desire is for time with us is for it to be deep and meaningful. Conversation that flows and that isn't surface. How do we get to that? What are the key things that make our time with Him flow and more meaningful?

It begins with praise. The Word says that He inhabits the praise of His people. Beth Moore says that, "Sincere praise from your heart will invite God to pull up His chair and become your audience". Praising helps us to remember who He is and what He is able to do.

The next part is repentance. We can only gain victory over sin when we confess it and give it to Him. He already knows our sins, but wants us to acknowledge it as well. Daily confession allows our conversations with Him to flow...letting sin build up causes our time with Him to be broken and awkward. Make a habit of confessing daily!

After times of confession, we can enter into times of intercession. Praying for others is so important. Ask God to reveal to you who He wants you to pray for everyday. Beth again says that to be more effective just pour out the need and don't give Him suggestions. He is more than capable of working things out for good.

Once we have prayed for others then we can pray for ourselves. I don't know about you, but I need help everyday to live the life He has called me to. Again, He knows the things we struggle with, but He wants us to acknowledge that He alone is capable of taking care of them. It helps us to really know and trust Him.

The last thing is equipping. We are all called to serve God, and we can't do this by ourselves. We need help that only He can give. He is the one that gives us everything we need to live and serve Him each and everyday.

In all these things it is remember to thank Him. Philippians 4:6 says, "in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God". Thanksgiving should be woven throughout every part of your time with Him. Thank Him for His faithfulness, for hearing your prayers, for His mercy and forgiveness, and for being big enough to handle all we lay at His feet.

We should be in constant prayer with Him all day long. The Bible says to pray without ceasing. I realize that every prayer we send His way are not going to be this detailed. But I also know that there has to be a time everyday where we put these steps in practice. Our ability to live this life depends on it.

I wish I could say that I have talks with God like this everyday with little breath prayers lifted up throughout the day, but I can't. Many times I let life get in the way, I focus on one circumstance or another. I focus more on the problems that are facing me, rather than on the One who see them all and has a plan to work them for my good. I don't know about you, but I don't want to have small-talk with the Lord. I want to know Him intimately and deeply like two friends or like a child talking to her Daddy.

Lord, help me to come to you daily and lay it all at Your feet. Speak to me through Your Word. Thank You for desiring deep, meaningful time with me everyday....Amen.

Crystie

Meeting the Goal

2010-03-13T19:53:00.005-05:00

Several months ago I started memorizing scripture. Now, I didn't do this own my own...I was challenged by my friend, Lynn. For a while, we learned them together. Some of them so God-ordained it wasn't even funny. Taking my cue from Lynn, I got some note cards that are neatly put together with cute little rings. I took my time writing each scripture out so I could review them everyday. I did ok at first. I was able to easily memorize the first few verses, but had a problem holding onto the addresses. Eventually, I laid them down and forgot what I had learned. UGH!!!!

I'm the kind of person that needs a constant reminder of all things that are true and good in my life. With my background and present struggle with depression, it is easy for my to slip into believing Satan's lies over the truth. SO, I decided to pick the scripture memory back up. I was bound and determined that I was going to do this. I set a goal for myself to memorize 25 verses AND their addresses. The first few were not all that hard because it was basically just reviewing what I had already done with Lynn. Those verses came back to me easily. Then I began to search through the Word on my own. I'll admit, I was skeptical. I didn't want to just randomly pick a verse and memorize it, I wanted it to speak to me, to mean something. Several times I was very tempted to throw in the towel, and then I would remember my goal. I didn't want Satan to win. So I kept memorizing the Word and asking God for each new verse. It seemed that the more I learned, the easier it was to remember them. I was amazed. I knew it had to be God because not only was I remembering the verses, BUT their addresses were sticking this time. I was thrilled. But it still seemed my goal was a long way off. Many times I would get frustrated and lay them down, only to be drawn back to them days later. I know God was the one doing the drawing because He has used these verses in my life already. There are times that the only way I can get through a particular moment is to recall the verses He has given me. The best times have been when my frame of mind was so crazy and the verses just popped into my head. There was no thinking about them, trying to recall them, they were just there. Those are the sweetest times. The Lord promises that His Word will not return void and He has proven that in me. When I have needed His Truth, it has been there. Thank you Lord!!!!

Fast forward to today....

Here I am sitting here bored out of my head and decided to get out my cute little verse cards and do some practicing on my new verse. I haven't counted the number I was up to lately so I decided to check out my progress and guess what??????? I AM ON #26!!!!!!!!! Thank You Lord! I have reached my goal!!!!! Yay! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Not only have I stuck with it and put in the work (with God's help), but I have done it without anyone holding my hand. This has turned into a personal thing, not one that I have depended on someone else to do for me. That is just as much a victory for me as learning the verses. I am not writing this to brag on me...but on the Lord. He has done a work in me and it is good. I would not have gotten this far if it were not for HIM and Him alone!!!

26....I'm amazed and thankful. Thankful to the Lord for His faithfulness. He has been with me each and every step of the way. He has given me each verse and used them in my life when I needed their truths to reach into my heart and be a salve to the hurts that are hidden there. BUT, I am also thankful to Lynn. She is the one who taught me the importance of having truth to draw from to replace the lies that Satan throws at you. She encouraged me and taught me how to memorize scripture. Even though I have been "on my own" for the last several months, this is a victory that I can't wait to share with her. She believed in me long before I believed in myself. She spoke truth to me long before I believed it and had it hid inside my heart. This is her victory too. Thank you Lynn....I will be forever grateful!!!

Now to set a new goal....

Crystie

Who's Truth????

2010-03-12T09:33:00.004-05:00

Today I feel unlovable. I am having difficulty with one of my parents. They are being very ugly. You would think I would be used to it by now, but I'm not. Every single time this happens it sends me into a tailspin. Instead of believing God's truth, I believe the enemy's lies. Lies like...there is something wrong with me, I'm unlovable, nobody wants me, I'm not worth being loved, etc. I am ashamed at where my thoughts have taken me over the last 24 hours. Trust me, it has not been good. I'm trying to regroup and refocus, but my mind just won't let me. So I am going to do the only thing I know to do at the moment...write them out.

Lord, help me remember all that YOU have to say...

I am the apple of your eye...
You think I am to die for...
You are enthralled with my beauty...
I am strong when I am resting in You...
YOU love me with an everlasting love...
I have the mind of Christ...
I am safe in Your arms...
You will NEVER leave me...
I can do all things in Your strength...
You have written my name on the palm of Your hands...
You know the number of hairs on my head...
You have a plan for my life and it is good...
I was lost and you found me...
You sing over me...
You reached down from on high and took hold of me...
You drew me out of deep waters...
You are taking me to a spacious place...
You rescued me...
You delight in me...
You will build me up...
No weapon formed against me will prevail...
I have perfect peace in You...
You answer when I call...
You are my portion...
You are my deliverer...
You are the lover of my soul...
You are my hiding place...
You are my help and shield...
I am Your daughter and You are my Abba...
You are my refuge...
You sustain me in battle...
You bring me out of darkness...
You know everything about me...
You are faithful...

Lord, please help me dwell on your thoughts and your truths today. My heart is hurting. Help me to trust you and you alone. Help me to believe in your love...your truth.

Jabez

2010-02-22T19:48:00.002-05:00

1 Chronicles 4:10

Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.

Oh Lord this is my prayer...

Its A Good Thing to Hope for Help from God

2010-02-17T14:02:00.003-05:00

Lamentations 3:19-36 Msg

19-21 I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

22-24 God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left.

25-27 God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times.

28-30 When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst.

31-33 Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way:

34-36 Stomping down hard on luckless prisoners, Refusing justice to victims in the court of High God, Tampering with evidence— the Master does not approve of such things.

Today is one of those days where I just plain feel bad. I'm tired, hurting, and depressed. But God...don't you just love those 2 little words? But God. He comes in and makes His presence known in the midst of our yuck. That is just what happened today. In the middle of feeling so bad, He came in and gave me His Word. I love this passage. I especially love the part about HIs love never running out...thank you Father. It was a fresh reminder that no matter where you are in this world, no matter who you think doesn't love you, His LOYAL love never runs out...it just can't.

Crystie

2010

2010-01-01T23:50:00.005-05:00

A new day, a new week, a new month, a new year, a new decade...will this be the year that there's a new me?

Will I grow and change?

Will I stay the same and praise Him anyway?

I hope beyond hope that this will be the year He lifts me out of the depression, that 2010 will bring freedom to my soul.

But what if it doesn't happen? What if on Jan 1, 2011 I'm still asking the same questions. What then? How will it affect what I believe to be true? Will I be able to stand it any more? Will I be able to stand at all?

I don't know the answer to those questions, but I do know that I want to be free. I do want to know Him more, in a deeper way. A friend tells me that where I am is where I will get to know Him. Am I willing to stay where I am to know Him better??? I'd like to think so, but if I'm being honest I would have to say I do want to know Him, but I don't want to stay in this place to get that. There has to be an easier way. I know...easy doesn't always mean good. Sometimes hard is better. It's in the tough times, the hard times that we grow and we learn and we see the face of God.

So what am I going to do with this new year? I want to commit to digging deeper in His Word. I want to hunger and thirst for Him. I want to want Him more than anything else in the world. I want to desire Him, I want to long for Him, I want Him to cause me to love Him even more than I do right now.

As the new year begins, my prayer is to be in a place where no matter what, I can trust Him, believe Him, and know above all else that He loves me...

Crystie

Born Again

2009-11-24T11:27:00.003-05:00

Today

2009-11-12T07:18:00.024-05:00

This is how I feel today:

Psalm 88

O Lord, God of my salvation,
I cry out to you by day.
I come to you at night.
Now hear my prayer;
listen to my cry.
For my life is full of troubles,
and death draws near.
I am as good as dead,
like a strong man with no strength left.
They have left me among the dead,
and I lie like a corpse in a grave.
I am forgotten,
cut off from your care.
You have thrown me into the lowest pit,
into the darkest depths.
Your anger weighs me down;
with wave after wave you have engulfed me.
You have driven my friends away
by making me repulsive to them.
I am in a trap with no way of escape.
My eyes are blinded by my tears.
Each day I beg for your help,
O Lord;
I lift my hands to you for mercy.
Are your wonderful deeds of any use to the dead?
Do the dead rise up and praise you?
Can those in the grave declare your unfailing love?
Can they proclaim your faithfulness in the place of destruction?
Can the darkness speak of your wonderful deeds?
Can anyone in the land of forgetfulness
talk about your righteousness?
O Lord, I cry out to you.
I will keep on pleading day by day.
O Lord, why do you reject me?
Why do you turn your face from me?
I have been sick and close to death since my youth.
I stand helpless and desperate before your terrors.
Your fierce anger has overwhelmed me.
Your terrors have paralyzed me.
They swirl around me like floodwaters all day long.
They have engulfed me completely.
You have taken away my companions and loved ones.
Darkness is my closest friend.

But God in His love and mercy showed me this this morning:

Lamenations 3: 20-26

I will never forget this awful time,
as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:
The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself,
“The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”
The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him.
So it is good to wait quietly
for salvation from the Lord.

Dear Lord help me hide these truths in my heart .

Crystie

YES TO GOD STUDY CHAPTER 4: BEYOND SUNDAY MORNING

2009-10-27T11:40:00.000-04:00

"I still wanted my churchgoing experience to be more than just a Sunday morning routine."

This statement could have come straight out of my own thoughts. If I'm being honest, I would have to say that my whole relationship with Him feels like a routine. My quiet time is a struggle, my prayer life feels flat and lifeless, and church is something I feel I have to do, not something I want to do. Oh how I want things to change. Like Lysa, my greatest desire is to learn about Him, talk with Him, and apply His teachings so that they make a real difference in my life.

Keep Asking...

"His example challenges me to make it a habit to keep asking God for wisdom and revelation. In doing so, I admit my daily dependence on God and my need for Him."

Boy do I ever need Him. It is a comfort to me to know that I can keep asking. I really do want to understand, to know Him more, to feel His heart. I'm desperate for Him to "work" for me. I want to know Him better...I want to "know Him in even deeper ways than I ever thought possible".

Oh Lord give me a renewed desire to study your Word and seek your face...

Crystie

Yes To God study Chapter 3: When I feel Like I Don't Measure Up

2009-10-20T10:14:00.002-04:00

This chapter hit me like a tons of bricks. Many, many times I feel I don't measure up. I feel like I'm not good enough for family, for friends, and even for God. I feel that I can't do enough to be worthy of God's love. I too often find myself asking, why doesn't Jesus work for me? Why doesn't he step in and help. Maybe its something I've done, or maybe I just simply don't measure up. Satan loves it when we ask these kinds of questions. When we get in this frame of mind its easy for us to justify distancing ourselves from God, His Word and prayer. Lysa says this once again reduces our relationship to a checklist of things we feel obligated to do. There are many times I do things because I feel like I should because its the good Christian thing to do.

To know I'm not alone help bring things into perspective. Realizing that everyone has moments like these and are able to move on, gives me hope that I can choose to do the same thing. It all comes down to resting. Resting on what I know to be true...when I fall, I can get back up. When I feel unworthy, I can pick myself up, dust myself off and choose to walk in His Truth. When I walk away. I can find my way back again. I must also realize that I may never measure up according to the world's standards, but that's ok because my worth comes from HIM.

Lysa states, God never intended for us to rely on others for our sense of well-being. Only He is equipped to provide that.

That takes a little pressure off to be perfect and try to win approval from others. The only approval I need is from Jesus and praise God I already have that!

Lysa also stated, Instead of resting my heart in the unrealistic hope that others will make my joy complete, I have to rest my heart with Jesus only.

Oh Lord help me to rest in you and you alone because you are my source for joy and wholeness and worth...

Crystie

Thoughts

2009-10-13T11:44:00.003-04:00

I decided to try and put some of the thoughts I have floating around in my head down so that maybe I can process them a little better.

First let me say that the Beth Moore conference was well worth the 10 hour drive it took to get there. I enjoyed the conference and time with my friends...although they may not think so.

Several things throughout the weekend really spoke to me....

God's love is loyal. It is fierce...His love will fight for me. That is huge when you feel like all of a sudden there's no one in your corner anymore.

He guards His love for us...He maintains it, protects it, keeps it, watches over it. Do we guard our love? Not do we guard ourselves against love, but do we guard the love we have? Hmmmm that's a mouthful to think about.

He also maintains His love for me even when I don't deserve it...especially when I don't deserve it. Are we like that? Do we tend to withdraw our love when we are hurt? Maybe we should take God's stance and withdraw the blessing, not the love.

One of the biggest things He showed me was that my wounds have a purpose. My pain is not for naught. He gave it to me to serve a purpose in me...not so that I will serve it...WOW!

Beth said if we are not careful, our wounds can become idols. I think my wounds, my pain is bordering on that right now. Instead of praising Him, I give all the attention to the pain. That one kicked the breath right out of me. She also said that if you need Jesus, then you are blessed. If you need healing, need a miracle, then you are blessed. I've never looked at it that way. I've always considered it a sign of weakness, not a blessing. I mean, our wounds, our pain is the chief reason He came. Isaiah 61:1 says he came to bind up the broken hearted...not leave them to suffer without out hope. Sometimes my view of God is that He is distant at best...not right here with me binding up my hurts. We tend to take our wounds deep and our healing at the surface. We become what Beth called walking wounds. That is so me...I have allowed my pain and hurts to take over my entire life. I'm so ashamed...but thankfully God is forgiving.

One area that I have allowed to put me in the walking wound category is over a friendship that I have. I feel that I have lost it already and there's no turning back. Things are so different and its hard to accept. I have locked onto one thing that was said and it is consuming my thoughts. It is making me doubt all the other things that have been done or said in the past. I need to find a way to deal with the pain and move on...I don't want this wound to become an idol.

Another area is the depression that I face everyday. Its there, it hasn't gone away, its intense right now...you know it, I know it, God knows it. I need to find a way to live with it and praise Him and his goodness rather than give all my time and thoughts over to it.

So as you can see, my brain is full! Full of thoughts and changes that need to be made. I'm so thankful for a God who is not afraid to tell us the things that hurt. I'm thankful that His healing goes all the way down to the center of our pain, and that His forgiveness goes as deep as our sin. But most of all, I'm thankful that His love is bigger than it all...

Crystie

How Long?

2009-10-07T08:51:00.002-04:00

This song perfectly puts into words the prayer I'm praying right now...

How long must I pray? How long do I have to wait? I'm begging you to notice me...to turn to me.

I have so many questions without answers, so many tears, so much pain...How long must I wait?

If you are everything you say you are, please come close and hold my heart...I want to hear you calling my name...

Sing Over Me

2009-09-18T15:59:00.004-04:00

"The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save,
he will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with His love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17 NIV

"Don't be afraid, don't despair,
Your God is present among you,
a strong warrior there to save you.
Happy to have you back,
he'll calm you with his love
and delight in you with his songs."
Zephaniah 3:17 MSG

What balm to my soul to know that my Lord is singing over me...

Again...

2009-09-16T03:54:00.007-04:00

Its happening again...I don't want it to, but it is.

I don't know if my heart can take it...too much pain and another loss. I don't want to go through this again.

I don't understand why, I just know that the problem has to be me. I wish I knew how to fix "me" so this wouldn't have to happen again.

The depression I deal with has robbed me of so much in my life and its on the verge of taking one more thing that's precious to me and I don't want it to, yet am powerless to stop it. Why does it have to win again?

The last time I faced a loss this big, it nearly did me in. I don't want to be here again.

I've talked to God about it, I've begged Him not to take it, I've even tried a little bargaining...only to realize I don't have anything to bargain with.

Why can't it be the loss of depression? Why can't that be the thing that is ripped from my life? I wouldn't miss that, wouldn't mourn over it, wouldn't have to try to find a way to put my heart back together again.

I tried not to let "me" get in the way, I tried not to care, to love, to trust, to want, to need or to cling to. I tried to keep it in its proper place, to know where it belonged, to keep it from getting between me and God...and yet here I am again.

I don't want "me" getting in the way. I don't want the depression and all that it does to me to win once more.

Why does it have to be this? Lord, I don't want it be this...again.

Truth and Lies

2009-08-13T09:47:00.019-04:00

Have you ever been lied to? Did you believe the lie? How did it make you feel afterward? Horrible, I’m sure. No one likes being lied to. Lies can shake you to your very foundation. They can cause you to lose trust, to question your beliefs, to doubt. They can create havoc on your self-esteem. No one likes a liar, but everyone is lied to on a daily basis.

We have an enemy who is set on destroying us and what we believe to be true. That enemy is Satan. He makes it his life’s mission to destroy us with his lies. As Christians though, we have a weapon against those lies…God’s Word. We can dig in God’s Word and counteract every single lie he tells us.

I can say, that on a personal level, I am being bombarded with the enemy’s lies right now. I am very vulnerable and he is taking advantage of it big time. Over the past week, I have dug in the Word (still using my shovel), to discover God’s Truth for myself so that I can fight back.

Since I know that the enemy’s goal is to destroy all of us, I thought I would share what I found. I hope that it gives you a little defense against his lies.

LIE: God has left me.

TRUTH: Joshua 1:5, 9 “…I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Isaiah 43:1-3 "But now, God's message, the God who made you in the first place, the one who got you started: Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end."

Hebrews 13:5 "...Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Psalm 145:18 "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth."

LIE: I'm ugly.

TRUTH: Psalm 45:10 "The King is enthralled with your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord."

LIE: I cant be forgiven.

TRUTH: 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

LIE: My life has no purpose.

TRUTH: Jer. 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

LIE: I'm too tired to fight.

TRUTH: Matt. 11: 28-30 "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

2 Cor. 12:9 "But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Psalm 55:22 "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall."

LIE: My mind won't ever be whole.

TRUTH: 2 Tim. 1:7 " For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and love, and a sound mind."

LIE: I cant do this anymore.

TRUTH: Phil. 4:13 " I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

James 1: 2-4 " Consider it sheer joy, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do it's work so that you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."

LIE: My pain doesn't have a reason.

TRUTH: James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

LIE: I can never escape my past.

TRUTH: Isaiah 43: 18-19 "Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is! I'm making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands."

Phil 3: 13-14 "...but one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward."

LIE: I will always be afraid.

TRUTH: Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

1 John 4:18 : There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."

LIE: God doesn't love me.

TRUTH: Jer. 31:3 "The Lord appeared to us in the past saying, I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with lovingkindness...."

1 John 4 :16 "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love, lives in God, and God in him."

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life."

Psalm 13:5 "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation."

Psalm 48: 9 "Within your temple, O God, we meditate on your unfailing love."

Isaiah 43: 3-4 "Because I am God, your personal God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior, I paid a high price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in. That is how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you."

Breathe in His Truth today,

Crystie

Will Somebody Throw Me A Shovel?????

2009-07-24T12:56:00.005-04:00

This week in our Bible Study, we are learning about our ancient ruins...things in our past and our family line that are holding us in bondage. This is the point in our study where we start really "digging" into what made us who we are today. This is an important step because we need to dig up the old yuck so that God can plant His Word in our hearts and minds.

Well let me just say that I need a shovel...a BIG one! I've always known that I had junk to be dealt with, but I didn't realize just how far down it went. I may even need me a bulldozer by the time I'm finished (that was for you, Regina! ). To tell the truth, I don't care if it takes a shovel or a bulldozer to clear out my junk, I just want it gone. I want there to be a wide open, spacious place for God to plant His Word in me and heal my mind and heart from the lies that I have carried with me for so long.

Freedom is my goal...freedom for me, and for Christian.

I am willing to do the digging, even though I know it is going to be very hard and at times painful. BUT in order to have God's Word planted, I know must be prepared...getting out the yuck, the rocks, the weeds (the lies, the bondage)...

So...will someone throw me a shovel so I can get started???? My spacious place is calling my name!

Breathe in His Word today...

Crystie

Restoration

2009-07-16T09:13:00.004-04:00

God is doing a mighty powerful thing my friends! He is restoring a family relationship lost many years ago.

I have a cousin who I have not been close to in years. In the last few, we have been completely estranged due to some family circumstances.

Well on Tuesday of this week (don't you just love you some Tuesdays!!!!), we connected through Facebook. I admit at first I was leery and being a bit stubborn about the whole thing. During the first few minutes of our conversation, we just exchanged a little small talk. It didn't take long, however, for us to get to the heart of the matter.

My whole life I have been an outcast in my own family. Through the years, things have been done and said that were very hurtful. When I tried to voice how I felt, I was often told it was all my imagination.

In the past year, both of my grandparents have passed away. Due to the way things were in my family, I was unable to spend time with them or see them before they died. I was devastated. The treatment I received during this time was extremely painful for me. It took many months before I would allow the Lord to deal with me about the forgiveness I needed to do. He reminded me how He had forgiven me and it broke me. I finally humbled myself before Him and forgave them and allowed Him to heal all the past and present hurt.

Fast forward again to Tuesday...During the conversation with my cousin, she revealed that since my grandparents have passed away, she and her mother are now shunned by some of the family. She said that there have been so many hurtful things done and said to her and her mom. This absolutely broke my heart because I know firsthand what that kind of pain feels like. She told me that through this experience, she has come to realize what I had felt all those years. She apologized to me...this is huge my friends!!! I was totally blown away. I told her that I had forgiven her a long time ago...it was now her turn to be blown away.

We talked a little longer after that and decided to get together today (Thursday). Please pray that as we talk all the hurt will just continue to fall away.

I praise Him that He is bigger than our pain. He is love is greater than ours. He is the restorer of all things lost!!!

Have you lost something??? Have you been hurt??? Look to Him...He makes all things new!!!

Breathe in His Word today!

Crystie

More Than Enough...

2009-07-13T13:29:00.005-04:00

More than enough...can you say that God is more than enough for you? Sadly, many of us can't say that all the time. Many times we get blinded by the struggles we face, needs, and whatever else that causes us to get our minds off of Him.

The good news is that NO MATTER what we feel, God is still the same! He is still MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!

He is:

Jehovah Jireh, our Provider...more than enough...

Jehovah Rapha, our Healer....set FREE by His stripes...more than enough...

Jehovah Shamma...He is with us...He supplies all our needs...more than enough...

My desire for you and for myself is that we always remember He is more than enough for us...

Our Provider, our Healer, the ever-present provider of all our needs!

Breathe in His Word today!!!

Crystie

My heart hurts

2009-06-29T15:06:00.005-04:00

This is where I am today...

My heart is breaking.

I have a friendship that is so close to my heart, and its in trouble. I don't know what to do or how to fix it.

I have tried multiple times to make things right, but it never ends well. I have prayed, I have pulled away to give this person some space, I have kept my hurts and problems with depression to myself so that she wouldn't have to "deal" with them, I have even tried to pretend everything is ok...nothing has helped.

Please pray...I feel like someone I love has died.

My heart is hurting...

Crystie

Music to my ears....

2009-06-12T14:57:00.012-04:00

Listen, can you hear that??????

This past week has probably been one of the quietest in my entire life. My sweet boy was on a trip to the beach. While he was having some much needed fun in the sun, me and O-man (Oscar the weenie dog) were playing the quiet game. Everyday when I would come home the silence was overwhelming. Even Oscar wandered around like he thought he was in the wrong house. We just didn't know what to do with ourselves.

You see at my house lives a boy...a boy who is NEVER quiet! His tv is always on...usually playing the exact same Star Wars movie over and over!!!!! He is always making a noise of some kind...whether it's imitating something he's heard on tv, or the sounds of an intense battle between lego men...he's one of those sound effects kids. There's always a fact to be heard, a joke to be told, or the squeak of balloons being made into an animal of some kind. Quiet is not in Christian's vocabulary. He likes to make noise and he likes to be heard. He likes to tell you ALL about the things he's interested in...leaving out not even the tiniest detail. I know all about tornadoes, Star Wars, Storm Chasers, guns, his favorite tv shows, and anything else that may randomly cross his sweet little mind. And let me just say until this week, I didn't know just how much I loved this about my boy!

Things have been hard for me lately, but in a week of silence, it has never been clearer to me just how blessed I am. I'm so thankful for the gift that is my son....

And as I woke up this morning to the sound of Star Wars blaring in my ear, I took a deep breath and sighed...it was music to my ears!

Crystie

Honesty

2009-06-04T15:44:00.010-04:00

I have a struggle going on. I've been fighting God for weeks about being honest to others about myself, where I really am, and my struggles. I don't want to...I would rather hide. It's what I do, I'm much better at hiding than letting others see. BUT I want to be obedient...I just wish it didn't have to be about the secret things.

Most people know that my battle with depression is fierce and ongoing. At times it is debilitating, and I feel like its about to take me under.

The thing they don't know is that I struggle with wanting to live. Do I really want to die? NO! But I don't want to live with this crushing weight either. I'm tired of struggling, tired of hurting, tired of trying to find a way to trust. It seems much easier to just go to sleep and not have to wake up again.
FYI: I AM NOT GOING TO DO THIS...BECAUSE OF CHRISTIAN, but it does plague my thoughts daily.

Another thing people don't know about me is I struggle with a desire to release the pain I feel. I suppose there are many ways, both good and bad, to accomplish this...but for me it is cutting. Of the VERY FEW people who know I do this, none of them understand why. I don't know why myself except that it helps me forget a pain I don't understand, and focus on one that makes sense in my mind. How does this makes sense????? Well, for one, the pain from cutting has a reason...the pain in my heart doesn't. The pain from cutting has a beginning and an end....the pain in my heart is constant. Cutting is a release from a pain that is always there, one I just don't understand. I haven't done this in a while, but the urge is there everyday.

I am also struggling to trust. Trust who? The people in my life...and God. I don't trust very easily. I have been hurt more times than I can count. I'm afraid to get too close, because I'm afraid that when I do, they will leave. This makes friendships very hard. Opening up and allowing someone in scares me to death. I want it, I want to belong, but that involves trust...something I don't have a lot of. This often times leaves me isolated, left out, and alone.

I want to trust God in this place. I want to understand, I want relief from my pain, I want to believe that God is really good. I find myself wondering what good can possibly come from this? When will it end? How much longer? If He is good, then why? Doesn't He see my struggle...my pain? Does He care? This is huge for me. Its affecting my entire life from my relationships with others, to my relationship with Him. I need help in this, and I know it has to come from Him, but with all these thoughts, finding a way to hold onto Him is difficult.

I hope that sharing will help me in some way. I hope that it will help people understand who I am, and why I am the way I am. I hope people will want to know more...to ask questions...to want to know ME better. I feel VERY vulnerable and I'm afraid of what people will think. I don't like being vulnerable.

Honesty is so hard.

Crystie

Different

2009-05-13T20:27:00.004-04:00

Why am I so different? Why can't I open up and share? Why can't I risk my heart and trust?

I so want too with my whole heart.

I am so messed up and so wounded that I am terrified to let others in. When I am in a situation where I am uncomfortable, I retreat so far inside myself that I can barely breathe. I hate this. I have so much I want to say, to share...but I simply can't do it. Why?

I am so afraid of "losing" in front of others, that I retreat and hold on as tight as I can. Inside of myself is my "safe place". But is it really safe? I don't think so. I wonder what would happen if I took a deep breath and opened myself up, and let it all out...right there in front of everyone? What would people say? How would they react? How would I react? Could I even do it? Just the thought of it makes me physically ill. I am terrified just thinking about it. But strangely I want to do this...to let it all out, and let them all in. AND, I think this is what is coming. But I am digging my heels in because I want to protect myself. From what? Hurt? Rejection? The fear that once the dam breaks, and the wall crumbles, I will be exposed. I want my wall to crumble, but I can't bring myself to let it happen. I feel like I have to retreat, run, hide, whatever it takes to protect myself. I can see with my wise mind how destructive my way is verses His way, but my heart needs to catch up. In my heart, I feel like if I allow this to happen, then I will be rejected...again. I can't take that risk...

Where does this leave me?

Different. So different that it hurts.

Crystie

Will Somebody Please Fill My Cup??!!??

2009-04-28T10:56:00.003-04:00

Fill my cup Lord,
I lift it up Lord,
Come and fill this thirsting in my soul.
Bread of Heaven, feed me til I want no more,
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole.

I don't know about you, but so many times when my cup is empty and I feel hollow inside, I look to others to fill me back up. Sometimes I feel like my cup is always empty no matter what I do. Why is this? The answer is clear, I'm not looking to the right source...Jesus. He is the only one who can fill us ALL the way up, even to overflowing. He is more than willing to be all you need, in fact, He longs for it.

Don't be afraid to tell God what you need, what is missing from your life. Tell Him all the things that YOU have done to try and fill the void yourself, and then ask HIM to fill you with His love and flood you with His presence.

Beth Moore says, " If Christ has not been invited to fill up all the hollow places in our lives, we may be saved---But we are not safe!"
Oswald Chambers says, "No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first."

Constantly seeking to be filled by others leaves us and them feeling drained. We become dissatisfied and our relationships suffer because of unmet, unrealistic expectations. So friends, let others off the hook and run to Jesus! He is the only one able to handle our need and totally fill our cup!

Breathe in His Word Today,

Crystie

Words of Comfort

2009-04-22T15:57:00.002-04:00

“…I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with lovingkindness.
I will build you up again: You will be rebuilt…
Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful.”
(Jeremiah 31:3-4)

Today these words are a comfort to me because today, I don’t feel very loved, and I don’t feel like I will ever be whole. It is a very good thing that His Words are Truth, and not my thoughts, because my thoughts are definitely in the pit today.

I hate days like this, days that it feels overwhelming and never-ending. Days where everything seems filtered through the lens of depression. Everything is clouded by sadness and what sometimes feels like despair, and a heaviness that I can’t seem to shake. My mind hurts, my body hurts, and my heart hurts.

BUT PRAISE GOD…HE IS STILL GOD!!!!!! He is reaching down into my pit and drawing me out! He is my support and He arms me with strength. He gives me His shield of victory…did you see that? I will have victory over this because He is going to give it to me! He stoops down to make me great…me, who feels so unloved today. He sees all my weeping, hears all my cries for mercy, and He accepts my prayers today…Praise Him! He will deliver me from the deep waters of depression to a spacious place that He has picked just for me!

So until then I will be joyful in all things, I will keep on praying, and I will keep giving Him thanks in this circumstance because this is His will for me…(1 Thess. 5:16-18)
And who knows…maybe I’ll even be dancing soon!

Breathe in His Word today,
Crystie

2009-04-09T06:37:00.002-04:00

“God is our place of safety. He gives us strength. He is always there to help us in times of trouble.” Psalms 46:1 NIRV

A place of safety……

A place to be who you are. A place without condemnation. A place to fall and be picked up again. A place to be broken, and a place to be healed. A place where love abounds and is freely given. A place where love is never taken away.

Strength from him……

Means no more defeat. No more being alone in battle. Knowing that when you stand, He stands beside you. Knowing that when you can’t, He can, He will, and He does! Let God’s love abound in your heart. Stand in the shelter of His refuge. Fight with His strength that only He gives.
“God is our place of safety. He gives us strength. He is always there to help us in times of trouble.”

These words bring such comfort in the midst of my fight with depression. Knowing that I can be who I am without having to hide. I am loved as I am...loved without limits. Knowing I am not alone sometimes is the only thing that keeps me going. Knowing it...not necessarily feeling it. Standing on what I know to be true, is so much better than listening to the lies that the enemy whispers in my ear. Getting through the moment on His strength is so much better than relying on mine, or other's. He is the only one that can give true strength in trouble...in depression...in despair...or whatever burden you may face today.

Remember, God's Word is His very breath...Inhale!
Crystie

Awesome

2009-04-05T04:19:00.000-04:00

I have a friend who tells me..."Praise will get you into His presence every time". I have just recently discovered how true that is. I got Mandisa's new "Freedom" CD today, and let me just say that it is AWESOME. One song though captured me in the deepest part of my soul almost immediately. It's called, "Broken Hallelujah". While I know the truth behind praise, it is often very difficult for me to praise in the midst of my depression...when I feel so broken. I realized though that God accepts our broken praise too...our Broken Hallelujahs....

Broken Hallelujah

Mandisa

...................................................

With my love and my sadness

I come before you Lord

My heart's in a thousand pieces

Maybe more

.....................................................

Yet I trust in this moment

You're with me somehow

And you've always been faithful

So Lord even now

.......................................................

Chorus

When all that I can sing

Is a broken hallelujah

When my only offering

Is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration

Will rise up from these ruins

I will worship You and give You thanks

Even when my only praise

Is a broken hallelujah

.....................................................

Oh Father, You have given

Much more than I deserve

And I have felt your hand of blessing

On me at every turn

.....................................................

How could I doubt your goodness

Your wisdom, your grace

So Lord hear my heart

In this painful place

.....................................................

Repeat Chorus

.....................................................

Hallelujah

I lift my voice

Your Spirit moves

I raise my hands

I reach for You

...................................................

Repeat Chorus

Here is a link for this song on YouTube... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wA9S0g137Pg

I hope it works. If not, go to YouTube and you can find it there.

Remember His Word is His Breath...Inhale

Crystie

2009-04-02T13:22:00.000-04:00

Hi and Welcome to my blog. I hope that all who enter will find something that they can take with them!

Why "From Deep Waters To Spacious Places"? Because that is exactly where God is taking me! He has drawn me out of deep, deep waters and He is taking me to spacious places! I am so excited to see exactly what that will mean for my life. I will give my testimony in a later post, but right now I just want to share with you the verses from God's Word that was the inspiration for the title.

Psalm 18: 16-19
"He reached down from on high and took hold of me.
He drew me out of DEEP WATERS.
He saved me from my powerful enemy,
From my foes who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
BUT the Lord was my support.
He brought me out to a SPACIOUS PLACE,
He rescued me because He delighted in me."

God's Word is alive...It is His very Breath...Inhale!
Crystie